These mustaches have a reputation of the worst kind because of the actions and character of their wearers. These mustaches, stroked and twirled by their owners as they plotted their evil plans, were accomplices to some of the most dastardly deeds in fictional and real history.
Joseph Stalin
In Soviet Russia, mustache wears you.
Genghis Khan
The tales of Genghis Khan’s brutality in conquest are surely exaggerated. He had only to show people his mustache and they would surrender on the spot.
Captain Hook
All of Captain Hook’s anger can be traced to the fact that he felt suffocated as a pirate when his true dream was to become an artist just like his hero and mustache muse, Salvador Dali.
Vlad the Impaler
Before vampires made tween girls swoon with their bare-chested, fresh-faced charms, they wore mustaches and impaled people on sharpened sticks. “Team Vlad” t-shirts have surprisingly not sold well in stores.
Saddam Hussein
According to a leaked CIA memo, Iraq’s WMDs were hidden in Saddam Hussein’s lush Arabian mustache.
The Godfather
Don Corleone’s mustache will make you an offer you can’t refuse.
Snidely Whiplash
Snidely Whiplash spent his career trolling around Canada abducting young women and tying them to railroad tracks. His numerous murder attempts were finally ended, not by Dudley Do-Right, but by an angry damsel who fought back by wrapping his mustache around his neck and choking him with it.
Adolf Hitler
The most infamous mustache of all time. Hitler changed history in numerous ways, including making this style of mustache (not to mention the name Adolf) verboten forever more.
Boris Badenov
A product of the same School of Villainry as Snidely Whiplash (Step 1: Grow mustache. Step 2: Clasp hands together menacingly in front of you), Boris Badenov lived a life of terrible frustration. Not only were his evil plots consistently foiled by a squirrel and a moose, he could never get Natasha Fatale to see him as more than a partner in crime, despite his debonair, “bad enough” mustache. Perhaps because she was seemingly a full six feet taller than him.
Bill the Butcher
Dick Dastardly
In his attempts to stop his racing opponents through cheating, this “double-dealing do-badder” deployed a variety of traps from his race car, the Mean Machine. But none were as effective as a nozzle that dispensed mustache wax onto the road.
Augusto Pinochet
Augusto Pinochet’s mustache took over his upper lip through an oppressive military coup.
Submitted by: Sam Coren in Portland OR
