Is My Son Lazy? Parenting Tips for Teenage Boys

This is a re-broadcast. The episode originally ran in October 2018.

Do you have a teenage boy who struggles in school? Or do you have a younger son who you can imagine struggling in school as he gets older? He may be an otherwise capable young man, but seems apathetic and unmotivated, to the point you think he’s not excelling simply because he’s lazy. My guest today says that’s the wrong conclusion to draw, and one that leads to the wrong parenting approach to addressing it.

His name is Adam Price and he’s a child psychologist and the author of He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself. Today on the show, Dr. Price argues that the real reason many young men are unmotivated is not that they don’t care about succeeding, but that they feel too much pressure to do so, and are scared of failing. We discuss why nagging and over-parenting simply exacerbates this issue, and how stepping back and giving boys more autonomy can help them become more self-directed and find their footing.

If reading this in an email, click the title of the post to listen to the show.

Show Highlights

The prevalence of unmotivated boys in our culture and schooling
Why simple unmotivation is different from depression or other clinically-diagnosed problems
Laziness vs. fear and avoidance
Are more young men disengaged today than a couple decades ago?
How boys handle stress differently from girls
Why academic pressure is more acute nowadays
Why it’s okay for boys to be late bloomers
The physical and emotional changes of adolescence
How parents typically respond to this type of teenage behavior
The dangers of overprotective parenting
Why your kids shouldn’t be treated like royalty
An exercise to determine how much you do for your kids, and how to start letting them do more on their own
What it looks like to set boundaries in a way that also allows autonomy
Why letting kids fail is absolutely necessary
How parents should approach their teens’ bedrooms (in regards to cleanliness)
How long does it take for these principles to start to take hold?
Your primary job as a parent (hint: it’s not about making your kid(s) happy)
How to get disengaged boys to talk