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Stoicism emerged as a philosophy, a way of life \u2014 similar to a religion, really \u2014 most famously in ancient Rome somewhere around 50-100 AD (even though it was Greeks who pioneered the thinking).<\/p>\n
Two millennia later, the philosophy is enjoying a revival of sorts, and it\u2019s not hard to understand why.<\/p>\n
The primary goal of ancient Stoicism was to figure out the best way to live; as modern philosopher Lawrence Becker writes<\/a>: \u201cIts central, organizing concern is about what one ought to do or be to live well \u2014 to flourish.\u201d And this question of how to live is perhaps humanity’s most enduring \u2014 becoming especially acute in ages in which a sense of shared meaning has atrophied and every individual is left to find meaning on his own. Stoicism\u2019s answers, its fundamental tenets — what many modern writers and thinkers have deemed the \u201cart of living\u201d — thus feel just as relevant now as they did a couple thousand years ago.<\/p>\n While we\u2019ve covered some tenets of Stoicism on the Art of Manliness before (and given an introduction to it in a podcast interview<\/a>), we\u2019ve never laid out its more concrete practices — the tactics that lead both to personal joy and the betterment of society. It\u2019s my aim to present five ways you can start to inject Stoicism into your life today, and begin experiencing more happiness and fulfillment.<\/p>\n These aren\u2019t just abstract ideas that I\u2019ll be presenting to you. Rather, they\u2019re based on firsthand experience. Since I first read Marcus Aurelius\u2019 Meditations<\/i> last year<\/a>, I\u2019ve been rather intrigued by the philosophy he espoused. So I\u2019ve studied up, read a handful of books \u2014 both ancient source material and contemporary guidebooks — and have incorporated a number of new habits into my own daily routines. <\/p>\n While there are many more practices and principles that can be gleaned and applied from Stoicism, my goal with this article is to provide those that have most impacted my own life (providing plenty of personal anecdotes to that end), and which I believe can most impact the lives of other men as well. These are things to <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> on a daily and weekly basis (even if some of them are more psychological in nature). While Stoicism also offers an outline of how to react and respond in a number of different situations \u2014 from anger and anxiety, to disability and death \u2014 that isn\u2019t in the purview of this piece (though perhaps it will be in another article later on). <\/span><\/p>\n What\u2019s especially appealing about Stoicism is that it\u2019s what <\/span>Massimo Pigliucci<\/span><\/a> calls an \u201cecumenical philosophy.\u201d Its precepts complement those of many other philosophies, religions, and ways of life. You can practice elements of Stoicism and still pursue Christianity, Judaism, atheism, and a number of other isms or non-isms out there. It\u2019s about finding joy, fulfillment, and tranquility, and making society a better place for everyone in it. Isn\u2019t that something we can all get behind? <\/span><\/p>\n Without further ado, I present 5 ways to make Stoicism a daily practice:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHe robs present ills of their power who has perceived their coming beforehand.\u201d \u2014Seneca <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n William Irvine<\/span><\/a> argues that \u201cthe single most valuable technique in the Stoics\u2019 psychological toolkit\u201d is a tactic he calls \u201cnegative visualization.\u201d To fully appreciate your blessings \u2014 the immaterial and material alike \u2014 imagine your life without them.<\/span><\/p>\n For example, if you live in a tornado-prone region, imagine your house being destroyed, along with all your possessions. Obviously sort of a sad thought experiment, but chances are good that you\u2019ll actually come to better appreciate your home, and the stuff in it, if you can really visualize what life might be like without it.<\/span><\/p>\n This practice might make it seem like Stoics are lifelong pessimists, but this couldn\u2019t be further from the truth. Stoics are in fact the ultimate optimists. Consider the image of a 16oz drinking glass holding 8oz of water. It\u2019s of course either half full or half empty, right? The Stoic, though, would actually just be grateful that there was any water at all! And that there was a vessel to hold that water to boot. The Stoic takes nothing for granted.<\/span><\/p>\n This exercise is of course harder to practice with your loved ones, but it\u2019s well worth it. When I drive to daycare in the afternoon to pick up my son, I briefly meditate on the fact that each day really is a gift, and that anything can happen. He might not be around tomorrow, so I better live and love and parent to my fullest, most joyful abilities today. <\/span><\/p>\n Now, I\u2019m not consumed with anxiety that my kids aren\u2019t long for this earth (Irvine notes the important difference between <\/span>contemplating<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>worrying<\/span><\/i>). I know the odds are extremely slim of that reality. It\u2019s more an acknowledgment that you just never know when the things and people you love might not be there anymore. It\u2019s truly made a difference in my mindset, general gratitude, and mostly \u2014 as perhaps to be expected in this young kids phase \u2014 my patience. Whether my toddler son is taking <\/span>forever<\/span><\/i> to brush his teeth, or my 1-month-old daughter decides she won\u2019t sleep unless she\u2019s held and rocked, I seem better able to cope when I briefly imagine a life without them. It should also be noted that this exercise hasn\u2019t made me sad or mopey as you might expect; rather, it makes me swell with gratitude for the days we are given, and I can say that I better <\/span>truly<\/span><\/i> appreciate all the blessings life has to offer, from my wife and kids, to the cheerful song of a bird out my window on a nice spring day. <\/span><\/p>\n As Seneca noted at the top of this section, bad things \u2014 which inevitably happen to all of us \u2014 are robbed of at least some of their power when we\u2019ve anticipated their possibility, and consequently taken full advantage of each day, hour, and <\/span>moment<\/span><\/i> given us. The grief of loss isn\u2019t quite as acute when we can truthfully state that we squeezed every ounce of joy out of what we own and who we love when they were with us. As the Reverend William Sloane Coffin said in giving a eulogy for his 24-year-old son, Alex<\/a>:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cthere is much by way of consolation. Because there are no rankling unanswered questions, and because Alex and I simply adored each other, the wound for me is deep, but clean. I know how lucky I am!\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n \u201cLet us prepare our minds as if we\u2019d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life\u2019s books each day. . . . The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.\u201d \u2014Seneca<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n While related to the above point, <\/span>memento mori<\/span><\/i> is about meditating on <\/span>your <\/span><\/i>death rather than that of your loved ones. Whereas negative visualization is about imagining life without the things you love, <\/span>memento mori<\/span><\/i> asks you to meditate and be aware that you will not, in fact, live forever. Death comes for us all, including you, dear reader. <\/span><\/p>\n We live in a pretty death-averse culture though. At large, we\u2019re terribly afraid of it. The Stoics would argue, though, that if you\u2019ve lived a life of purpose and meaning, you shouldn\u2019t have any fear<\/a> of something that has naturally befallen each and every human being (and every other living creature) since time immemorial. <\/span><\/p>\n Now, meditating on your own death is not the same as asking something like \u201cIf you knew this was your last day on Earth, what would you do?\u201d In that scenario, I\u2019d play hooky, make my friends and family do the same, and do something memorable with them. I\u2019d eat a ton of tasty but bad-for-you food, drink some whiskey, stay up all night, etc. Those aren\u2019t things you can do on a daily basis, though. Rather, the question is more like \u201cIf you don\u2019t wake up in the morning, would you be satisfied with how your last day was spent?\u201d Did you engage fully at work? Did you love your family and your friends? Did you add to society\u2019s greater good at all? Did you make virtuous decisions? <\/span><\/p>\n When I ask myself this question, as with the previous point, it\u2019s not a depression- or anxiety-inducing meditation. I realize the likelihood of my dying tomorrow is very slim; I am simply countenancing the fact that it <\/span>is<\/span><\/i> possible. And this possibility isn\u2019t demoralizing, but invigorating. It makes me far less likely to waste time. If I\u2019m gone tomorrow, I\u2019d much rather have spent time baking a loaf of bread than playing games on my phone. I\u2019d much rather have spent time reading stories to my son at bedtime (<\/span>all<\/span><\/i> the words) rather than speeding through it to watch another episode of <\/span>Nailed It<\/span><\/i><\/a> <\/i>(which is great, don\u2019t get me wrong). <\/span><\/p>\n As you go through the day, or just at the end of it, reflect on your activities and decisions. Both the good and the bad. If this day was your last, would you be satisfied with its outcome? What would you have done differently? How would you have changed your interactions with others? How can you use this information to make better decisions and engage in more worthwhile activities tomorrow? Make it actionable. As the Stoics themselves would have asked, what good is philosophy if there\u2019s no impact on how we live day to day?<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ve also found it\u2019s good to occasionally read memoirs about death and dying. One of my all-time favorite books is <\/span>When Breath Becomes Air<\/span><\/i><\/a> by Paul Kalanithi. He wrote the book as he was dying of lung cancer in his late 30s, married and with a young child. I\u2019ve read it twice \u2014 when both of my children were just days old. He provides an unmatched perspective on what it means to not only die well, but to acknowledge its reality: \u201cThe fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.\u201d Even in his waning months, he maintained an incredible sense of positivity: \u201cEven if I\u2019m dying, until I actually die, I am still living.\u201d If the words of dying people don\u2019t inspire you to live more fully each day, then nothing will! A few more good books are <\/span>The Bright Hour<\/span><\/i><\/a>, <\/span>Dying: A Memoir<\/span><\/i><\/a>, and <\/span>The Last Lecture<\/span><\/i><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSome things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.\u201d \u2014Epictetus<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n One of the pillars of Stoic philosophy is not letting circumstances outside your control disturb your equilibrium. Such externally-dictated circumstances include things we\u2019re used to thinking of as being out of our hands, like the weather, traffic, and our health (and that of our loved ones). But it also includes things we often erroneously believe we have full personal control over, like the outcomes of contests and the success or failure of business ventures.<\/span><\/p>\n As a help in grasping a truth we inveterate bootstrappers often resist, Irvine gives the example of a tennis match. You might set a goal of winning the match. Seems perfectly reasonable, no? But when you really think about it, you can\u2019t control many of the factors that determine the contest\u2019s outcome: The weather is poor and wind gusts aren\u2019t favoring you; you experience equipment failure (like a broken string) that isn\u2019t disastrous but a distraction nonetheless; your opponent is simply better prepared than you (or perhaps just better, period); you sprain an ankle part way through the match and can\u2019t continue on. If your goal is to win, and any of these things happen, you\u2019ll be rather upset.<\/span><\/p>\n Recognizing that much of life is out of your control doesn\u2019t mean giving up your sense of agency; instead, it means focusing it on the only areas where you <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> have full control: your own actions.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of focusing on results — which are impacted by external circumstances outside your control — set goals strictly related to your own efforts. Instead of setting a goal to win the match, make it a goal to prepare as best you can, practice as hard as you can, and then play to the best of your abilities. If you do those things, and still lose, there\u2019s just nothing more you could have done, so why fret? <\/span><\/p>\n Rather than setting a goal of getting the job you\u2019re interviewing for, make it your goal to prepare well, dress right, and answer every question as best you can. If you do all that and don\u2019t get the job, it wasn\u2019t meant to be (or so the Stoics would argue). <\/span><\/p>\n Rather than setting a goal of getting a girlfriend, prioritize making yourself a good catch. Eat well, work out, have a stable job, dress nicely, and make it a goal to ask someone out X times a month until you get a yes. <\/span><\/p>\n My own hope regarding this article shouldn\u2019t be, and truly isn\u2019t, that it gets shared or retweeted X number of times. I can\u2019t control what goes viral and what doesn\u2019t. The whims of the internet aren\u2019t worth thinking or worrying about. Instead, my true goal was that I would do all the research I could, and write, organize, and edit the article to the best of my abilities so that those who read it have the best possible chance of engaging it meaningfully and putting something into practice. <\/span><\/p>\n When you set goals, attach them to what you can control — your own efforts and attitude — and detach them from what you cannot — their ultimate outcome.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNature has intermingled pleasure with necessary things \u2014 not in order that we should seek pleasure, but in order that the addition of pleasure may make the indispensable means of existence attractive to our eyes. Should it claim rights of its own, it is luxury. Let us therefore resist these faults when they are demanding entrance, because, as I have said, it is easier to deny them admittance than to make them depart.\u201d \u2014Seneca<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n One practice the Stoics famously abided was welcoming a certain degree of discomfort into their lives. They\u2019d go without, for a time, certain pleasures \u2014 food, drink, sex. They\u2019d immerse themselves in poor weather conditions (and with few clothes to boot). They\u2019d eschew riches (and even praise) so as to not learn to cling to those things. They\u2019d even deliberately subject themselves to ridicule. These practices were rather contrary to the Epicurean view of things, which was to ultimately pursue pleasure. The Stoics knew, though, that in welcoming challenge, they were actually far more content and fulfilled than their Epicurean peers. <\/span><\/p>\n To be Epicurean \u2014 one who basically just seeks the things in life that feel the best \u2014 you have to ever be experiencing pleasure. You\u2019re basically living off constant dopamine hits. But, those senses get dulled after a while, and you need ever bigger and more pervasive doses to keep your pleasure sensors activated at the same level. Once you start running on the \u201chedonic treadmill,\u201d real contentedness becomes frustratingly elusive.<\/span><\/p>\n Let\u2019s show this with a quick little thought exercise. It\u2019s simple: you want to stay cool when it\u2019s hot outside. It\u2019s a natural inclination. So you turn on the AC at home to a chilly 65 degrees while it\u2019s a sizzlingly 95 outside. Ahhh, feels nice, doesn\u2019t it? You get used to that sense of comfort, and even <\/span>pleasure<\/span><\/i> of staying so cool. But now, to feel comfortable, you also need to feel that cool <\/span>wherever<\/span><\/i> you go. You need to start your car 10 minutes early so that it cools down enough for you to be comfortable, otherwise you\u2019ll just be miserable. You need your workplace, your favorite restaurant, heck, every establishment you enter, to be that chilled. If, God forbid, the AC goes out, you\u2019re royally screwed. A friend invites you to an outdoor ball game? You\u2019ll go, but you won\u2019t enjoy it because it\u2019ll be too stinkin\u2019 hot. It\u2019s all you\u2019ll be able to focus on. <\/span><\/p>\n Consider the alternate scenario. Yes, you turn on the AC at home, but in the car, you just roll the windows down and let yourself be a little warm if it\u2019s hot outside. Rather than work out in your refrigerator of a basement, you take a ruck outside in order to break a sweat. In some regards, you embrace being hot every now and then so that you can feel content in any situation. AC goes out? No biggie, you can adjust. Invited to a ball game in a heat wave? Heck yes! You love baseball, and you\u2019re happy to just be at the game, regardless of the weather. You are a tranquil man who isn\u2019t bothered merely by what the mercury reads on the thermometer. <\/span><\/p>\n Isn\u2019t that a better way to live? <\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s sort of a silly and shallow example, but the principle holds for just about any pleasure in life. If your enjoyment and comfort relies too much on it, you\u2019ll turn into a fragile, petulant curmudgeon when you don\u2019t have it. <\/span><\/p>\n Irvine lays out three specific benefits of sometimes welcoming discomfort and intentionally foregoing pleasures (with an example of how a particular practice — periodically abstaining from alcohol — could play out): <\/span><\/p>\n This is one of the practices most associated with Stoicism, and there are a number of specific things you can do to welcome discomfort into your life and harden your general resolve: <\/span><\/p>\n There are innumerable ways to embrace some semblance of discomfort in your life, and it can and will be different for each person. Find yours, and tackle it head on. As Irvine astutely observes, \u201cThe act of forgoing pleasure can itself be pleasant.\u201d Embrace the grind! <\/a><\/span><\/p>\n \u201cEvery day I reduce the number of my vices.\u201d \u2014Seneca <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n To the Stoics, the best way to live well was to pursue virtue. William Irvine even writes: \u201cWhat, then, must a person do to have what the Stoics would call a good life? Be virtuous!\u201d In becoming a better person \u2014 a man of great character \u2014 we\u2019ll naturally find fulfillment, but also make greater contributions to society as a whole in the process. How might that happen, you ask? If you\u2019re committed to virtue, won\u2019t you volunteer more? Be more likely to help a stranger in need? Won\u2019t you take on the role of Neighborhood Watch leader or Little League coach? Will you be more likely to say \u201cYes!\u201d when a favor is asked? These are all things that improve our communities, and are natural byproducts of attaining greater personal virtue and character. <\/span><\/p>\n How does one become more virtuous though? How do you develop your character<\/a> and exercise it in daily life? Luckily, there are a number of good options (many of which we\u2019ve previously covered in-depth):<\/span><\/p>\n Regularly ask yourself: \u201cWhat would my best self do in this situation?\u201d<\/b> Father James Martin brought up this idea in his book <\/span>The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything<\/span><\/i><\/a> and in his interview with Brett on our podcast<\/a>. All of us have an ideal version of ourselves in our head. That version eats better, exercises more, is a little more patient with his wife and kids, doesn\u2019t waste time at work, etc. To more consistently act in ways that align with this ideal, simply ask what your best self would do, or how that best self would decide, in any given scenario:<\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self take two minutes to floss in the morning? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self choose a hard-boiled egg to snack on, or a Girl Scout cookie? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self call his parents and grandparents just a little more often? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self watch porn? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self write more letters to old friends as a way to stay in touch? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self have a little more patience with his kids’ drawn-out bedtime routines? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self yell and flip the bird to the guy who cut him off on the freeway? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self take work time to dink around with his fantasy football team?<\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self read a book on the Kindle app, or play another level of Candy Crush? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self pursue romancing his wife, or spend another conversation-less night watching TV on the couch? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self have yet another drink? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self attend the far-away funeral of a dear friend\u2019s parent? <\/span><\/p>\n Would my best self volunteer to clean up a park on a weekend morning, or would he sleep in? <\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s such a simple question to ask, but remarkably powerful. And these aren\u2019t just theoretical examples. Some of these are the very questions I\u2019ve been asking myself since I read Fr. Martin\u2019s book late last year. And while I don\u2019t always follow-through on what I know my best self would do (particularly when it comes to Girl Scout cookies), I\u2019ve seen enormous strides in my being able to make more virtuous decisions on a consistent basis and am slowly getting closer to that ideal.<\/span><\/p>\n Follow Benjamin Franklin\u2019s virtue plan. <\/b>As a 20-year-old, Franklin set a lofty goal for himself: attain moral perfection. To do so, he developed a 13-week plan to improve himself in 13 areas or virtues. He\u2019d particularly focus on one each week, while also keeping track of his progress with the others as well. We\u2019ve written about the program in-depth here<\/a>, and <\/span>we have also created a unique journal that acts as a virtue tracker based on this 13-week plan<\/span><\/a>. While Franklin never did attain perfection, over time he saw his mis-steps decrease, and had this to say about his program later in his life: <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cTho\u2019 I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Ask \u201cWhat good shall I do this day?\u201d<\/b> Another of Franklin\u2019s ideas on his own pursuit toward being more virtuous. Every morning he\u2019d ask himself this question, and every evening he\u2019d reflect with \u201cWhat good have I done today?\u201d This question will have you focus less on your pie-in-the-sky \u201cI want to change the world\u201d ideas, and more on doing daily kindnesses to and for your fellow humans. Whether it\u2019s writing a letter home, helping an elderly woman with her groceries, or maybe even just giving someone (your wife, a stranger, anyone!) a compliment, sometimes going smaller to change the world accomplishes much more. Read more about this idea here. <\/a><\/span><\/p>\n Develop a code of principles. <\/b>How can you pursue virtue if you aren\u2019t sure of your life\u2019s guiding principles? Massimo Pigliucci writes in <\/span>1. Visualize Your Life Without the Things You Love<\/h3>\n
2. Memento Mori<\/i> \u2014 Meditate on Death<\/h3>\n
3. Set Internal Goals and Detach Yourself From Outcomes<\/h3>\n
4. Welcome Discomfort<\/h3>\n
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5. Vigorously Pursue Character and Virtue<\/h3>\n