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The holiday season is now in full swing. People will be decking the halls, throwing parties, offering tidings of good cheer, and engaging with all things festive.<\/p>\n
Though this time of year is supposed to be merry and bright, however, it can also sometimes feel rather melancholy. That\u2019s partly because folks may wish for warm connections and the comforts of home, but find themselves alone and isolated.<\/p>\n
But it\u2019s also partly due to the sinking feeling that can arise as the year draws to a close \u2014 the realization that if whatever resolutions, expectations, and hopes you started the year with haven\u2019t been accomplished by now, they almost assuredly won\u2019t be by the time the new year is rung in. It can be a recipe for feeling despondent.<\/p>\n
Perhaps you not only failed in the goals you set for yourself this year, but you\u2019ve failed in the same goals for several consecutive years now. The prospect of ever changing has started to feel a little hopeless. You might decide to throw in the towel and stop trying altogether.<\/p>\n
But that would be a mistake.<\/p>\n
Because past failure is no excuse for present inaction.<\/p>\n
Whenever you fail at something, you run the risk of treating it not as an isolated occurrence, but as a sweeping indictment of your ability to ever succeed in that area (or at anything at all). You figure that if you failed once, or numerous times, you might as well give up. You may label yourself a \u201cfailure\u201d in general, or as \u201cundisciplined,\u201d \u201clazy,\u201d \u201cstupid,\u201d \u201cnervous,\u201d \u201chot-tempered,\u201d or \u201cshy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Problem is, these labels become self-fulfilling prophecies. In his book, Conversationally Speaking<\/em><\/a> (which is about communication but also includes insight on viewing your life more rationally), Alan Garner describes how negative labels perpetuate a negative cycle: You say you\u2019re a failure \u2192 so you decide you won\u2019t even bother trying \u2192 which ensures you don\u2019t succeed \u2192 which proves that . . . you\u2019re a failure. Round and round the cycle goes. The same cycle applies to more specific labels you give yourself, like \u201cundisciplined\u201d:<\/p>\n Garner explains the dynamic at work in these loops of self-sabotage:<\/p>\n \u201cAll these labels are based upon poor past performance. When you use them, you make past failure an excuse for present inaction. Your present inaction provides you with still more \u2018proof\u2019 that those negative self-labels are accurate and with still more justification for future inaction. After playing the part for a while, you may end up concluding, \u2018I just can\u2019t help acting the way I do,\u2019 or \u2018This is just my nature,\u2019 and then give up trying.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Of course, such labels are rather irrational. Just because you\u2019ve failed at something in the past doesn\u2019t guarantee you can\u2019t succeed at it in the future. Just because you\u2019ve formerly made bad choices, doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t make better ones moving forward.<\/p>\n Garner recommends two ways of challenging these faulty beliefs:<\/p>\n Break down your label.<\/strong> When you\u2019re feeling despondent over some failure and give yourself a label like \u201cshy\u201d or \u201cundisciplined,\u201d what you\u2019ve typically done is taken your failure in one specific area, and applied it to your whole life. But as Garner points out, \u201clabels are irrational because they wrap up your entire being into one word, making situational problems appear global. They confuse who you are with what you\u2019ve done in one small area of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n Let\u2019s say you have trouble talking to attractive strangers. When you think about approaching a pretty woman, you get super nervous, and then decide to walk away. Having consistently failed in making an approach, you decide that you\u2019re \u201cshy\u201d \u2014 that\u2019s just your nature. But are you really shy in every area of your life? You may have no problem talking to friends and family, to customer service people, and to your teachers. Even though you\u2019re actually only shy in one area, you\u2019ve applied that label to your whole life. Which doesn\u2019t make sense: as Garner observes, \u201chow is it reasonable for [someone] to label 100% of himself based upon behavior with 5 percent of the people he sees?\u201d<\/p>\n Or let\u2019s say you\u2019ve struggled with making exercise a habit, and consequently label yourself \u201cundisciplined.\u201d But dig into that label some more. Are you really undisciplined in every<\/em> area of your life? Maybe you struggle with getting to the gym, but you make good grades, or have learned a foreign language or musical instrument, or are 100% loyal to your wife. It\u2019s probably the case that while you may be undisciplined when it comes to exercise, you are disciplined in other things. So why make this one area of failure the defining measure of who you are?<\/p>\n Everybody succeeds in some areas of life and struggles in others. What this tells you is that if you\u2019re able to be successful with one area \u2014 even if that\u2019s 10% of your life rather than 95% \u2014 you do<\/em> have the capacity and potential to succeed in another.<\/p>\n Accept failure as part of the process.<\/strong> Failing once, or even multiple times at a goal, doesn\u2019t guarantee you\u2019ll never achieve it. Attaining any goal almost always requires failing at first, and at certain points along the way. It\u2019s become clich\u00e9 to encourage persistence by citing the many times famous authors\/athletes\/scientists failed at something before they made it big (e.g., Jack London had 50 manuscripts rejected before one of his pieces was finally accepted for publication<\/a> in a major magazine), but such snapshots do<\/em> offer an important look at the hard reality of finding success in this world. As another true clich\u00e9 would have it: You\u2019ve got to break some eggs to make an omelet.<\/p>\n Now something that\u2019s just as true as all the motivational platitudes out there is the fact that attaining a certain goal may not<\/em> in fact be possible for you. While developing behavioral habits (working out regularly; stopping smoking; curbing your temper) is possible for everyone, attaining certain professional\/creative\/athletic aims (writing a bestselling book; starting a successful business; becoming a varsity athlete) isn\u2019t; even after giving it your all, you may simply not have the talent it takes. But before you arrive at that conclusion and throw in the towel, you owe it to yourself to give your best effort, and to try out a few different strategies for going about it. It may not be you that\u2019s the failure, but the approach you\u2019re taking.<\/p>\n Even if you\u2019ve failed at something this year, or for a long time, it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll never succeed with it. Nor do you have to wait until January 1 to again resolve to reach that goal. Start again today.<\/p>\n Past failure is no excuse for present inaction.<\/p>\n __________________________________<\/p>\n![\"Erroneous](\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2017\/11\/AoM-Workout-Discipline-Diagram.jpg\")
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