{"id":67200,"date":"2017-10-22T20:02:17","date_gmt":"2017-10-23T01:02:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=67200"},"modified":"2022-07-01T22:49:50","modified_gmt":"2022-07-02T03:49:50","slug":"spiritual-disciplines-solitude-silence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/spiritual-disciplines-solitude-silence\/","title":{"rendered":"The Spiritual Disciplines: Solitude and Silence"},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome back to our series on the spiritual disciplines<\/a>, which explores exercises that can be used to train the soul<\/a>. The purposes and practices of these disciplines are approached in such a way that they can be adapted across belief systems.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNot all men are called to be hermits, but all men need enough silence and solitude in their lives to enable the deep inner voice of their own true self to be heard at least occasionally. When that inner voice is not heard, when man cannot attain to the spiritual peace that comes from being perfectly at one with his true self, his life is always miserable and exhausting. For he cannot go on happily for long unless he is in contact with the springs of spiritual life which are hidden in the depths of his own soul. If man is constantly exiled from his own home, locked out of his own spiritual solitude, he ceases to be a true person. He no longer lives as a man.\u201d \u2014Thomas Merton<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

They are the spiritual disciplines through which prophets as varied as Moses, John the Baptist, Jesus, Buddha, and Muhammad prepared for their ministries and received revelations that founded new religions.<\/p>\n

They are the spiritual disciplines that have been praised by poets and philosophers as diverse as Plato, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Montaigne, Rousseau, Goethe, Wordsworth, Byron, Shelley, Emerson, Thoreau, Whitman, Muir, Tillich, and Camus (to name only a few).<\/p>\n

They are the spiritual disciplines that allowed many of the world\u2019s greatest leaders, from Ulysses S. Grant and Abraham Lincoln to Winston Churchill and Theodore Roosevelt, to make history defining decisions.<\/p>\n

They are the spiritual disciplines of solitude and silence, and they are vitally important to the health of the soul (and of society).<\/p>\n

They are also arguably the most intriguing and compelling of the spiritual disciplines, and yet also seem the hardest to come by in our crowded, noisy, modern world.<\/p>\n

Silence and solitude can seem out of reach to the average man \u2014 the exclusive purview of the kind of religious ascetics and hermetic philosophers just mentioned, or a luxury that can be indulged only by those leaders who face choices freighted with heavy meaning and high stakes.<\/p>\n

In truth, finding solitude and silence is possible even in the present age, without having to retreat to a cloister. And, far from being the privilege of the few, seeking these states is a responsibility of us all.<\/p>\n

Today we will explain why that is, the way in which these spiritual disciplines are connected, and how both can be sought, and attained, by even the busiest of souls.<\/p>\n

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What Is Solitude? <\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u201cI never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.\u201d \u2014Henry David Thoreau<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In Solitude: A Philosophical Encounter<\/em><\/a>, Philip Koch notes the qualities commonly associated with solitude: physical isolation, stillness, quiet, and social disengagement.<\/p>\n

He then scrutinizes these features, and finds them all wanting as necessary conditions for solitude, except for one.<\/p>\n

Physical isolation? Certainly, this is what most often comes to mind when we picture solitude; we imagine the monk alone in the cell of an abbey, or the mountain man secluded in a cabin.<\/p>\n

But is it not possible to withdraw inwardly even in the midst of a crowd? There are monks that live in the company of others, but still live very solitary lives. And even those outside a cloister can inhabit a kind of solitude any time they shut out what is going on around them to focus on their personal tasks and thoughts. As Thoreau argued, \u201cSolitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of a college is as solitary as a dervish in the desert.\u201d Or as the Chinese saying puts it: \u201cGreatest hermit in crowded street.\u201d<\/p>\n

Richard Foster makes the point this way in Celebration of Discipline<\/em><\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cSolitude is more a state of mind and heart than it is a place. There is a solitude of the heart that can be maintained at all times. Crowds, or the lack of them, have little to do with this inward attentiveness.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Solitude necessitates the creation of one\u2019s own world, but such a world does not require physical walls.<\/p>\n

Quiet cannot be deemed essential to solitude for a similar reason. Though, as we\u2019ll see, silence is strongly connected to solitude, if it\u2019s possible to beat an internal retreat in the company of others, it\u2019s possible to be solitary in the presence of noise as well.<\/p>\n

What about stillness? While we may think of solitude in terms of meditating in an ashram or studying in a monastic cell, is not the man running a trail or splitting wood alone both solitary and active?<\/p>\n

Physical isolation, stillness, and silence may all work to enhance solitude, but they\u2019re not required for its existence.<\/p>\n

This leaves social disengagement, Koch observes, as \u201cthe most promising place to look for the core of solitude.\u201d We can find solitude when surrounded by human-made stimuli \u2014 as long as we aren\u2019t attending to it. \u201cSolitude is, most ultimately, simply an experiential world in which other people are absent\u201d \u2014 and it matters not whether they are removed by physical bounds, or simply in the way we choose to apply our mental focus.<\/p>\n

We can further define solitude on the basis of intentionality<\/em>. One can be disengaged from others, but not by choice. The result is a feeling of loneliness. Solitude is a state, rather than an emotion, and it can be filled with any emotion, positive or negative. So one can be lonely in solitude, but feeling lonely is not necessarily the same thing as experiencing solitude. In solitude, you are not merely alone, but have deliberately separated yourself from others.<\/p>\n

Taken all together, we can therefore define solitude this way: the intentional withdrawal from social engagement.<\/p>\n

What Is Silence?<\/h3>\n

\u201cTo every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven . . . a time to keep silence and a time to speak.\u201d \u2014Ecclesiastes: III, 1 & 7<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Silence is easier to define than solitude.<\/p>\n

In the spiritual realm, it is not the literal absence of all noise, but the absence of all human-created<\/em> stimuli. \u201cHuman-created\u201d because most would consider a walk in the woods, in which the sounds of nature are present, to still be a time of \u201csilence.\u201d<\/p>\n

In silence, one ceases the consumption of any human-created input, and this includes not only audible stimuli, but the reading of the written word as well \u2014 an act that, though quiet, still involves \u201clistening\u201d to the text.<\/p>\n

Silence further encompasses not just the quieting of external noise produced by others, but also the noise produced by oneself; it requires the cessation of all talking, or speaking only when absolutely necessary.<\/p>\n

In silence, the only words one attends to are those that are created inwardly, and the only words one produces take the form of personal writing\/journaling.<\/p>\n

This personal quietude finally extends not only to the consumption\/production of words and sound, but to a whole way of being, well described by Ohiyesa (Charles Eastman), a Sioux tribesman<\/a>:<\/p>\n

\u201cSilence is the absolute poise or balance of body, mind, and spirit. The man who preserves his selfhood ever calm and unshaken by the storms of existence\u2014not a leaf, as it were, astir on the tree; not a ripple upon the surface of shining pool\u2014his, in the mind of the unlettered sage, is the ideal attitude and conduct of life.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What Is the Relationship Between Silence and Solitude?<\/h3>\n

In defining solitude, we noted that silence is not an essential precondition for its existence. But while silence may not be strictly necessary for solitude, the two are very closely connected.<\/p>\n

Though it is possible<\/em> to attain solitude in the presence of crowds and noise by withdrawing one\u2019s attention from these external stimuli and directing it inward, in practice, this is quite difficult. Attention becomes fragmented; you can\u2019t make it very far into your own world when interruptions keep dragging you out.<\/p>\n

Conversely, the more silent one\u2019s environment, the easier it becomes to disengage from social demands and external distractions, and the deeper one\u2019s solitude becomes.<\/p>\n

There is then a direct relationship between the profundity of silence, and the depth of solitude. To fully experience the latter does require the presence of the former, and we will thus largely be talking about silence and solitude as an inseparable pair.<\/p>\n

Why Are Solitude and Silence So Compelling?<\/h3>\n

\u201cSolitude bears the same relation to the mind that sleep does to the body. It affords it the necessary opportunities for repose and recovery.\u201d \u2014William G. Simms<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The need for silence and solitude obviously seems incredibly relevant to the over-convenienced citizens of the modern world who feel saturated with the ceaseless noise that issues from every corner of their lives. But as mentioned at the start, men have in fact craved these states for thousands of years, long before anything digital, or electronic, or urban ever existed.<\/p>\n

What accounts for the timeless, seemingly universal appeal of quiet seclusion?<\/p>\n

Humans are often called social animals, and we certainly are. But this quality developed more from necessity than choice; humans needed other humans to survive, and thus were kind of stuck with living life in community. But people have always felt both gratitude and resentment for this obligation. We enjoy the pleasures of company, while simultaneously wishing to flee the responsibilities attendant to living in relationship. We appreciate the protections of the herd, but don\u2019t wish our individuality to be subsumed within it. We are both attracted to, and repulsed by, our fellow man. A moderate dose of community makes us healthy; saturation with the other makes us sick.<\/p>\n

When we are able to be by ourselves, even for a short time, we affirm our independent identity, the reality of our individual existence; we temporarily thwart the law of the herd, that says we will die if we leave the tribe, and show ourselves we can exist alone, at least for a time. This is the thrill of solitude; this is its magnetic allure.<\/p>\n

The re-charging spark of silent solitude is needed by all. Extroverts may need less, and introverts more, but neither group can entirely do without. One\u2019s circumstances don\u2019t alter this equation either. Solitude remains a need whether one lives in a situation of luxury and noise, or deprivation and quiet.<\/p>\n

When the famous psychiatrist Viktor Frankl<\/a> was imprisoned at Auschwitz, he could not have lived a more stripped down and vulnerable existence, and yet he still felt the impulse to break away from others:<\/p>\n

\u201cThere were times, of course, when it was possible, and even necessary, to keep away from the crowd. . . . The prisoner craved to be alone with himself and his thoughts. He yearned for privacy and for solitude. After my transportation to a so-called \u2018rest-camp\u2019 I had the rare fortune to find solitude for about five minutes at a time. Behind the earthen hut where I worked and in which were crowded about fifty delirious patients, there was a quiet spot in a corner of the double fence of barbed wire surrounding the camp. A tent had been improvised there with a few poles and branches of trees in order to shelter a half-dozen corpses (the daily death rate in the camp). There was also a shaft leading to the water pipes. I squatted on the wooden lid of this shaft whenever my services were not needed. I just sat and looked out at the green flowering slopes and the distant blue hills of the Bavarian landscape, framed by the meshes of barbed wire. I dreamed longingly, and my thoughts wandered north and northeast, in the direction of my home, but I could only see clouds. The corpses near me, crawling with lice, did not bother me. Only the steps of passing guards could rouse me from my dreams.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Solitude and silence compel us the way food and sex compel us; they bespeak basic human needs that, if not as physically vital, are psychologically essential.<\/p>\n

How much so, and the effect that a non-stop life of crowds and noise may have on us, typically goes completely unrealized, since we never hit pause and step out of that clamorous flow. We have nothing to compare our \u201cnormal\u201d lives with.<\/p>\n

When writer Patrick Leigh Fermor<\/a> went to live at a monastery in Europe in order to work on a book, he initially found his adjustment to the new environment difficult and went through a kind of withdrawal period during his first few days there. He felt depressed and oppressed by the quiet and isolation of the abbey, experiencing \u201ca feeling of loneliness and flatness that always accompanies the transition from urban excess to a life of rustic solitude\u201d:<\/p>\n

\u201conly by living for a while in a monastery can one quite grasp its staggering difference from the ordinary life that we lead. The two ways of life do not share a single attribute; and the thoughts, ambitions, sounds, light, time and mood that surround the inhabitants of a cloister are not only unlike anything to which one is accustomed, but in some curious way, seem its exact reverse. The period during which normal standards recede and the strange new world becomes reality is slow, and, at first, acutely painful.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As Fermor acclimated to his silent, solitary surroundings, he discovered he\u2019d been living with a debt of inner exhaustion of which he\u2019d been completely unaware:<\/p>\n

\u201cI found that my capacity for sleep was becoming more and more remarkable: till the hours I spent in or on my bed vastly outnumbered the hours I spent awake; and my sleep was so profound that I might have been under the influence of some hypnotic drug . . .<\/p>\n

The explanation is simple enough: the desire for talk, movement and nervous expression that I had transported from Paris found, in this silent place, no response or foil, evoked no single echo; after miserably gesticulating for a while in a vacuum, it languished and finally died for lack of any stimulus or nourishment. Then the tremendous accumulation of tiredness, which must be the common property of all our contemporaries, broke loose and swamped everything. No demands, once I had emerged from that flood of sleep, were made upon my nervous energy: there were no automatic drains, such as conversation at meals, small talk, catching trains, or the hundred anxious trivialities that poison everyday life.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

After Fermor\u2019s body had become well-rested, and erased the deep-seated fatigue caused by years of dealing with the \u201canxious trivialities\u201d of everyday life, he found he needed only five hours of sleep a night, and entered a \u201cnew dispensation [that] left nineteen hours a day of absolute and god-like freedom.\u201d Fermor delighted in his new routine that consisted of walks in the countryside, reading, and an astonishing level of productivity in his writing.<\/p>\n

Though the transition to silence and solitude when entering the monastery had been hard, Fermor reported that \u201cthe unwinding process, after I had left, was ten times worse. The Abbey was at first a graveyard; the outer world seemed afterwards, by contrast, an inferno of noise and vulgarity.<\/p>\n

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\u201cIt is all very well to insist that man is a \u201csocial animal\u201d\u2014the fact is obvious enough. But that is no justification for making him a mere cog in a totalitarian machine\u2014or in a religious one either, for that matter. In actual fact, society depends for its existence on the inviolable personal solitude of its members. Society, to merit its name, must be made up not of numbers, or mechanical units, but of persons. To be a person implies responsibility and freedom, and both these imply a certain interior solitude, a sense of personal integrity, a sense of one\u2019s own reality and of one\u2019s ability to give himself to society\u2014or to refuse that gift.<\/p>\n

When men are merely submerged in a mass of impersonal human beings pushed around by automatic forces, they lose their true humanity, their integrity, their ability to love, their capacity for self-determination. When society is made up of men who know no interior solitude it can no longer be held together by love: and consequently it is held together by a violent and abusive authority. But when men are violently deprived of the solitude and freedom which are their due, the society in which they live becomes putrid, it festers with servility, resentment and hate.\u201d \u2014Thomas Merton<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sought passively, out of visceral craving, the simple forms of solitude and silence provide an elemental salve to the psyche; sought deliberately, for the purpose of exercising and edifying the soul, solitude and silence become spiritual disciplines, and their benefits expand to the spirit.<\/p>\n

When solitude and silence are cultivated and actively utilized, these disciplines produce many vitalizing and strengthening effects on the soul:<\/p>\n

Ability to Listen to God\u2019s and\/or Your Own Voice<\/h3>\n

The world is a noisy, wordy place. There are words coming from your loved ones, words popping up on your smartphone, words blaring from your car radio, words spouting from a television newscaster\u2019s head, and scrolling the bottom of the screen below it. Every nook and cranny of your life is filled with messages about what you should do, think, be. In the thick of this constant din, it can be difficult to hear the voice of God and to identify your own voice. In the midst of so much static, it can be hard to tune into these faintest of frequencies.<\/p>\n

In the hush of silent solitude, you find the space needed for undistracted and thus fruitful reflection; you can finally focus on picking up on sacred signals and listening to their urgent broadcasts. The more time you spend alone with God, the better you can hear the \u201cstill, small voice\u201d and discern his will. The more you can quiet the cacophony of the crowd, the better able you\u2019ll be to attend to your inner nudgings, and become self-reliant.<\/p>\n

We can no more hear these voices in the clatter and crash of our busy lives, than a whisper can be heard across a loud nightclub. Intuition, insight, personal revelation are like fragile bubbles that rise from the depths of your soul; noise erects a wall of sharp spikes that pops them before they ever enter your consciousness.<\/p>\n

There may be all kinds of life-changing promptings percolating in your soul right now, and you\u2019ll never even know they exist if you don\u2019t walk away from the crowd and find a quiet space apart.<\/p>\n

Discernment and Clarity in Decision-Making <\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u201cFor, in the seclusion of a cell\u2014an existence whose quietness is only varied by the silent meals, the solemnity of ritual and long solitary walks in the woods\u2014the troubled waters of the mind grow still and clear, and much that is hidden away and all that clouds it floats to the surface and can be skimmed away; and after a time one reaches a state of peace that is unthought of in the ordinary world.\u201d \u2014Patrick Leigh Fermor<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The intuition-releasing quality of silent solitude is particularly vital when you\u2019re trying to make an important decision. Your perspective may feel opaque, like a jar of muddy water that\u2019s been shaken up. The inner stillness created by silence and solitude allows all the distracting details, all the competing interests, all the external \u201cshould\u2019s\u201d to settle, revealing a clearer picture of reality and the way to move forward. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Liberation from Living in Reference to Others<\/h3>\n

\u201cCome away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.\u201d \u2014Mark 6:31<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Social interaction is like a dance, or a game of chess. We correlate and adjust our behavior according to how others act. We don\u2019t think about it much, because such behavior has become fairly automatic, but every second we\u2019re watching for and responding to others\u2019 cues and deciding how to act based on social norms. We must compel ourselves to listen, to show interest, to check inappropriate comments. We must be proactive<\/a>, but also defensive: at any time someone may insult, embarrass, confuse, or manipulate us, and we must keep our guard up against these potential attacks. And we must do all this, while making our efforts seem effortless! Even when you\u2019re around those who allow you to \u201cbe yourself,\u201d social interaction demands great vigilance and requires a high level of energy and control.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t necessarily a bad thing; as we\u2019ll discuss below, engagement with others provides an important balance to solitude. But ceaseless<\/em> immersion in society is exhausting and drains the health of the soul. We need to break away from the crowd now and again, and find rest from orienting our thoughts and behaviors in reference to other people. We need to be able to let down our defenses and re-establish a self apart from its response to others \u2014 to experience a state in which our thoughts and behaviors are purely active, rather than reactive.<\/p>\n

Preparation for an Upcoming Challenge<\/h3>\n

\u201cWe require such a solitude as shall hold us to its revelations when we are in the street and in palaces.\u201d \u2014Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It\u2019s no coincidence that Jesus chose to begin his ministry by spending forty days alone in the desert. This solitude prepared him for the arduous mission ahead.<\/p>\n

Though it needn\u2019t be as long, we can similarly benefit from taking a retreat of silent solitude when we know we\u2019ll soon be facing a physical, mental, emotional, and\/or spiritual challenge.<\/p>\n

Silence and solitude allow you to engage in prospective<\/em> decision making. You decide that if X happens, you\u2019re going to do Y.<\/p>\n

You can also prepare for the twists of fate in your path by reaffirming your commitment to maintaining a Stoic mindset \u2014 rehearsing to yourself the fact that there\u2019s no use in reacting emotionally to things you can\u2019t change, and that you must focus only on that which lies within your control.<\/p>\n

By setting your mind beforehand, you enter into a challenge with a stronger sense of moral courage. By getting firm on your convictions before entering the fray, you are less likely to shift them when you rejoin society \u2014 less likely to let yourself be controlled by the crowd. You leave the space of silent solitude better prepared to forge your own path, instead of defaulting to the one laid out by others.<\/p>\n

As Army Lt. Colonel Michael Erwin puts it<\/a>: \u201cleading oneself\u2014is the foundation of leading others. And personal leadership comes through solitude.\u201d<\/p>\n

Strength to Rejoin the Fight<\/h3>\n

\u201cOne hour of thoughtful solitude may nerve the heart for days of conflict \u2014 girding up its armor to meet the most insidious foe.\u201d \u2014Percival<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Silence and solitude not only prepare you for embarking on a challenge, they provide vital restoration when you\u2019re struggling through the middle of one.<\/p>\n

In battle, troops on the frontline only spend a certain amount of time in combat before they\u2019re rotated to the rear for some R&R. Warriors cannot perform at their best if they\u2019re constantly engaged in the heat of the conflict; fatigue sets in, bad decisions are made, and the fighting force falls apart.<\/p>\n

Similarly, each of us is ill served by remaining constantly on the \u201cfrontlines\u201d of life. We need to rotate into silence and solitude to maintain our morale, emotional balance, and ability to continue the fight. This respite allows us to re-orient our priorities, re-direct our compass \u2014 re-commit to a greater purpose that may have gotten lost in the little details of daily life.<\/p>\n

It can be hard to justify pulling back \u2014 there\u2019s never a shortage of to-dos to accomplish or people who urgently need our help. But while a retreat may cost time in the short-term, it allows you to perform more effectively and carry on with more endurance in the long-term.<\/p>\n

Though hordes of people in need of healing followed Jesus around, and he knew his ministry would be short, still he often \u201cwent off to a solitary place\u201d and \u201cwithdrew to lonely places and prayed.\u201d Brief respites spent in silence and solitude recharged him to face yet another day of selfless service.<\/p>\n

After Theodore Roosevelt lost both his wife and his mother in the same day, he retreated to a ranch in the Dakotas. After many lonely horseback rides through the Badlands, TR was able to recover his emotional balance, re-orient his life, and re-enter public life with Bull Moose-ian gusto.<\/p>\n

In silence and solitude, you \u201csharpen the saw,\u201d restoring the edge you need to continue cutting through life\u2019s problems.<\/p>\n

Control of Speech and the Need to Explain Ourselves<\/h3>\n

\u201cIt is not speaking that breaks our silence, but the anxiety to be heard.\u201d \u2014Thomas Merton<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Silence, we have said, is not just the quieting of noise which arises from without, but the cessation of that which comes from within. In silence, we put an end to mindless chatter, gossip, and small talk. We let go of the need of expressing our opinions. And perhaps most crucially, we control the need to explain ourselves to others.<\/p>\n

We all want to feel like people understand us. We feel a deep need to maintain our reputation, to cultivate our image, to justify ourselves. We want to follow every action with an explanation as to why we did what we did; we want to feel sure that our behavior is being correctly perceived (i.e., interpreted in the best possible light).<\/p>\n

We also simply feel the need to use speech (including the \u201cspeech\u201d that takes the form of images posted on social media) to prove we\u2019re alive, that we\u2019re doing things; words and photographs serve as third-party corroboration of one\u2019s existence. Such is the excitement your mom gets if your picture shows up in the local paper; she<\/em> knew you existed, and were wonderful, but now here is public affirmation of this truth! With social media, we all have the chance to issue this kind of \u201cproof of life,\u201d and it can be hard to act in the absence of documentation. If you do something, and you don\u2019t tell anyone, or you don\u2019t take a picture, did it really happen? Are you really real?<\/p>\n

This need to furnish explanation and existential evidence is symptomatic of a craving for others\u2019 approval, and a lack of confidence in the value and reality of your soul apart from any external validation.<\/p>\n

In silence, you train yourself to resist these compulsions, to be content to let your actions justify themselves. To do what you must, and let people interpret your behavior however they will. To care only for the approval of God, and the approbation of your own conscience.<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

Given the fact that solitude and silence seem to scratch a basic human itch, and, when pursued as spiritual disciplines, can provide such an edifying effect on the soul, why is it that the majority of people so seldom experience these states?<\/p>\n

When was the last time you found yourself in a space of simple solitude and silence, much less intentionally carved out time to cultivate these practices as disciplines?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like most people, your life is probably filled with noise (audible and otherwise) from morning \u2018til night. As soon as you wake up, you check your phone and turn on music or the radio. When you get in the car to drive to work, on goes the stereo. At the office, you\u2019re never fully disengaged from the people around you, or from your phone \u2014 which continues to provide a constant stream of input throughout the day. After work it\u2019s another music or podcast-filled commute to a noise-filled gym, and then home to converse with your family, scroll through your phone, and watch Netflix. Even when you\u2019re not actively attending to it, you may put the radio\/television on in the background, to sort of keep you company. Even the shortest stretches of quiet feel empty, uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

There are several reasons we so tenaciously cling to noise like this, and ignore the persistent, but easily drowned-out call of silence and solitude:<\/p>\n

Discomfort With Boredom <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Given its acute absence of distractions, noise, and stimuli, silent solitude can be experienced as awfully boring. And humans hate boredom. It feels tedious, uncomfortable, and, unnecessary. People will thus do most anything to alleviate it (even giving themselves painful electric shocks<\/a>).<\/p>\n

But it turns out that boredom is<\/em> in fact necessary to a healthy mind and soul. As Manoush Zomorodi told me in my podcast interview<\/a> about her book, Bored and Brilliant<\/em>, research shows that \u201csome incredibly important things\u201d happen when you let your mind wander and space out:<\/p>\n

\u201cthat is when we do some of our most creative thinking, most original thinking. We take disparate ideas and then push them together and come up with new concepts.<\/p>\n

We create a sense of self. It’s self-referential processing, literally creating a coherent sense of ourselves. We do something called theory of mind where we imagine what others are thinking. We develop empathy for them, and we do something . . . called autobiographical memory and planning, which is when we look back at our lives, we take note of the highs and the lows, we build a personal narrative, we take lessons from that, and then look forward. We have something called perspective bias, looking to the future where we build what we imagine our lives could be, and we set ourselves goals, and we break down the steps that we need to take in order to reach those goals. . . .<\/p>\n

You could argue that this is what makes humans human, this ability to think of, \u2018Who am I? What is my place in the world?\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Boredom is thus best thought of the way we think of physical exercise: something that may not feel good in the moment, but makes us better and stronger in the long run. Facing and embracing <\/em>boredom through the practices of solitude and silence is a vital way in which to train the soul.<\/p>\n

Fear of Facing the Self Without Distraction<\/h3>\n

We resist silence and solitude for the same reason we spurn rigorous self-examination<\/a>: we\u2019re afraid of what these disciplines may reveal about ourselves.<\/p>\n

In a space of silent solitude, we must look squarely at our motivations, values, compulsions, loneliness, and disappointments, without the option of averting our gaze with a distraction. That which we typically keep at bay with noise, makes itself known. As the Puritan theologian John Owen observed, \u201cWhat we are in [solitude], that we are indeed, and no more. They are either the best or the worst of our times, wherein the principle that is predominant in us will show and act itself.\u201d<\/p>\n

What do your thoughts turn to in your few quiet moments alone? Do you think of God, your ideals, lofty goals and principles? People who need your help? Or do you think of who\u2019s been doing you wrong lately? Grudges you\u2019re still nursing? Images you wouldn\u2019t want your wife to see? Do you like the man you find when you\u2019re by yourself? If you don\u2019t, you may be eager to flip on the background noise to keep from ever confronting him.<\/p>\n

Yet if you don\u2019t engage in this confrontation, nothing about your life will ever change, because you won\u2019t know what aspects of your soul need tending.<\/p>\n

Have you ever felt down about something, or restless about how your life was going, and then, instead of sitting with the feeling awhile, started surfing the internet? Lost in the \u201cnoise\u201d of the web, you soon forgot what you were anxious about . . . but you also missed an opportunity to better know yourself, and to take action to resolve whatever had created the empty feeling in the first place.<\/p>\n

Lack of Motivation in the Absence of an Audience<\/h3>\n

The producers of reality television programs report that the \u201cstars\u201d of these shows often become depressed after they stop filming. Without cameras following them around, their lives seem less important, meaningful, real. While this might seem pathetic, it\u2019s really just a variation of the same kind of thing most of us experience when we leave behind \u201cnormal\u201d life for a time of silent solitude.<\/p>\n

In the absence of an audience, life can seem less significant, actions less worthwhile. Our world can seem more flimsy without the kind of third-party affirmation we discussed above. There\u2019s no one grading your report, checking your hours, praising your work. There\u2019s no one to give you a literal or digital thumbs up. As Adele A. Calhoun puts it in her Spiritual Disciplines Handbook<\/em><\/a>, in silent solitude, \u201cThe world of recognition, achievement and applause disappears, and we stand squarely before God without props.\u201d<\/p>\n

It can be hard to deal with this \u201cnakedness\u201d and the lack of extrinsic motivation that comes from performing in front of others. But we can better find out what thoughts are worth thinking, and what actions are worth taking, when we think and act for no one but ourselves.<\/p>\n

The Perception That Silence and Solitude Are Luxuries<\/h3>\n

Since ancient times, there have been those who have felt that seeking silent solitude is \u201cindulgent\u201d \u2014 an attempt to escape the burdens and responsibilities of real life.<\/p>\n

But as explored above, these states are better thought of as basic human needs, more akin to sleep than recreation or relaxation. Intermittent times of silence and solitude are essential for people to mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually function at their best in their everyday lives. Certainly, solitude can be used as an escape or hide-out from reality, but it can also facilitate a more effective embrace of it.<\/p>\n

We spurn solitude because it feels unforgivably unproductive, yet it creates the grease that keep the productive wheels of our lives turning.<\/p>\n

The Feeling That There\u2019s Not Enough Time<\/h3>\n

This is probably the most common reason people give for not setting apart time for solitude and silence.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, this obstacle is in many ways the easiest to deal with and overcome, as its basis is simply rooted in misconceptions about what these disciplines really require.<\/p>\n

As we\u2019ll next unpack, they\u2019re far more within reach than typically realized.<\/p>\n

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\u201cif we possess inward solitude we do not fear being alone, for we know that we are not alone. Neither do we fear being with others, for they do not control us. In the midst of noise and confusion we are settled into a deep inner silence. Whether alone or among people, we always carry with us a portable sanctuary of the heart.\u201d \u2014Richard Foster<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Many people think about the disciplines of solitude and silence the way they dream of getting a second home on a lake, or quitting their job, or traveling the world \u2014 something enjoyed vicariously in their imagination but not realistically within reach. They feel the allure of these disciplines, but don\u2019t act on them. Silence and solitude remain firmly planted in the \u201cWouldn\u2019t it be nice if\u2026\u201d category.<\/p>\n

Solitude and silence feel like an unattainable adventure fantasy, because people assume (consciously or not) that they must do something similar to Fermor \u2014 hole up at a monastery for a weeks-long retreat \u2014 to experience these states in a worthwhile way.<\/p>\n

When it comes to attaining the level of immersion Fermor experienced, it\u2019s true that it cannot be achieved on the fly. And if you have space in your schedule for taking a long retreat, or even spending a couple days on a solo camping\/backpacking trip, you should by all means take advantage of what will likely prove a transformative opportunity.<\/p>\n

But if your life is running full throttle right now, and you can\u2019t get away for a weekend much less a week, plenty of possibilities for silence and solitude are still eminently within reach. You don\u2019t have to go full monk to practice these disciplines; rather, you can find your hermitage right at home.<\/p>\n

First, consider doing the kind of quarterly retreat Foster suggests:<\/p>\n

\u201cFour times a year withdraw for three to four hours for the purpose of reorienting your life goals. This can easily be done in one evening. Stay late at your office or do it at home or find a quiet corner in a public library. Reevaluate your goals and objectives in life. What do you want to have accomplished one year from now? Ten years from now? Our tendency is to overestimate what we can accomplish in one year and underestimate what we can accomplish in ten years. Set realistic goals but be willing to dream, to stretch.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Everyone, regardless of circumstances, can find the time for these kinds of brief, periodic withdrawals from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.<\/p>\n

Second, look for simple ways to incorporate pockets of solitude and silence into your daily routine. Often, you don\u2019t need to even change your schedule at all, but simply alter and enhance a few habits you\u2019re already doing, with these guidelines in mind:<\/p>\n