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Social Briefings<\/a> are short bi-monthly dispatches that offer practical tips to improve your social skills. <\/em>Read more on their raison d’etre<\/em><\/a>.<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n In these first Social Briefings, we\u2019ve been presenting two questions\/thought-starters designed to help you think through whether your current social style is one you’d like to keep or change.<\/p>\n Last time<\/a>, we asked whether your old social patterns were still working for you, and talked about the fact that we sometimes pick up social habits that made sense for us at a certain point in our lives, but may no longer do so with where we\u2019re at now.<\/p>\n Today\u2019s question for consideration is this:<\/p>\n Do others see you differently than you see yourself? <\/em><\/p>\n Whether your social behaviors are something you developed because of the circumstances of a certain phase of your life, or something that\u2019s been ingrained in your DNA since birth, how we think <\/em>these proclivities are perceived by others, may be a lot different than how they actually<\/em> are.<\/p>\n Below you\u2019ll find a table that shows common behaviors you might engage in when interacting with others, how you may think they come off, and how they might actually be interpreted by other people. These are taken (with permission) from First Impressions: What You Don\u2019t Know About How Others See You<\/em><\/a>; you can find even more examples in the tables available on their website<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n The key word in these examples is may<\/em>. Some of these behaviors may in fact work just as you think they do, and be winning in certain situations, with certain people, and in the context of your overall personality.<\/p>\n So too, even if they\u2019re not<\/em> working in the way you think they are, you may not wish to alter them because you feel they\u2019re an important expression of your real self.<\/p>\n\n\n
\n\t \nIf You Do This<\/th> You May Think You Seem<\/th> You May Seem<\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n \n\t Share what\u2019s on your mind before basic personal information<\/td> Interesting and offbeat<\/td> Self-centered, eccentric, inappropriate
\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n\t Show little attention to your grooming and style<\/td> Natural, not concerned with superficialities<\/td> Socially unaware, careless<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Withhold attention or interest<\/td> Cool and confident<\/td> Uninterested, rejecting, cold<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Listen, but don\u2019t add topics to the conversation<\/td> Interested, thoughtful<\/td> Dull, self-involved<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Focus on only one topic<\/td> Passionate<\/td> Boring, self-absorbed, lacking in curiosity<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Deliver a lecture on something you know a lot about<\/td> Smart, interesting<\/td> Bombastic, boring, self-absorbed<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Introduce topics with the goal of convincing others of your way of thinking<\/td> Enlightened, smart, passionate<\/td> Tedious, draining<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Talk about \u201ccharged\u201d topics such as salaries or religion<\/td> Passionate, interesting<\/td> Insensitive, offensive<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Dominate the conversation with jokes and humor<\/td> Entertaining, lively, funny<\/td> Tedious, draining<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Focus on your individuality rather than your commonality with others<\/td> Interesting, eccentric<\/td> Inaccessible, self-involved, socially awkward<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Share more than others do<\/td> Open, honest, revealing<\/td> Burdensome, inappropriate<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Share much less than others<\/td> In control, mysterious<\/td> Closed, uninteresting, cold<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Speak more quickly and pause more briefly than others<\/td> Interesting, energized<\/td> Emotionally draining, alienating<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Speak more slowly or pause longer than others<\/td> Relaxed, comfortable, thoughtful<\/td> Boring, tedious<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Speak more loudly<\/td> Self-confident, fun, interesting<\/td> Bombastic, self-satisfied, offensive<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Speak much more than others<\/td> Interesting, informative<\/td> Self-absorbed, difficult to connect with<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Act inflexibly to unexpected events<\/td> Determined, appropriately demanding<\/td> Needy, entitled, high maintenance<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Present yourself as superior to others<\/td> Important, impressive<\/td> Intimidating, insecure<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Present yourself as inferior to others<\/td> Modest, endearing<\/td> Awkward, lacking confidence<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Blame others<\/td> Honest, straightforward<\/td> Difficult, socially needy, victimized<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Focus on negative aspects of a situation<\/td> Straightforward, realistic<\/td> Unlikable, unpleasant<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n\t Make less eye contact than others<\/td> Normal, respectful<\/td> Rejecting, uninterested, shy, awkward<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n\n