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Relatively speaking, grooms have it easy. It\u2019s not our family that is traditionally responsible for budgeting or planning the wedding. And it\u2019s the bride who\u2019s usually much more interested and invested in how the whole shindig turns out. As the old clich\u00e9 has it, the groom\u2019s only responsibility is to show up on time. While that is indeed important, even the grooms of yesteryear were in fact responsible for more than being punctual. And the modern groom usually wants to be at least semi-involved with planning the big day too.<\/p>\n
While you may not concern yourself with the flower arrangements, there are tasks before the wedding, during the big day itself, and afterwards that you are able, and expected, to take on. Let\u2019s explore them in full with this comprehensive guide!<\/p>\n
Your fianc\u00e9e, from nearly the moment you put a ring on her finger, will likely be quite stressed out by wedding planning. Whether you agree with the reasons behind that stress doesn\u2019t matter; your job is to mitigate it the best you can. If there\u2019s anything on the following list that you can take charge of, do it. Don\u2019t leave your bride-to-be with all the details, even if she \u201clets\u201d you. Be involved, take initiative, and ensure that your engagement is a time of love, joy, and reflection rather than stressful fighting because you aren\u2019t doing your part.<\/p>\n
There a few things that are generally given to the groom to handle. We\u2019ll get to those later. There are also things that generally the bride takes care of, and of course things that you work on together. In any phase of planning, you have to be sure to speak up when something is important to you. If she doesn\u2019t care about you seeing her dress, but you\u2019d prefer to wait until the big day, it\u2019s your job to make that known. If there are details about the menu that you care about, step in and voice your opinion. While the clich\u00e9 is that weddings are for brides and not for grooms, it\u2019s half your party, and half your marriage, and you deserve to be heard when it\u2019s something that matters to you.<\/p>\n
For the average guy, there will be many parts of wedding planning that he simply doesn\u2019t have an opinion on. From bridesmaid outfits, to invitations, to ceremony decor\/themes\/colors, to photographers, there are a number of things that brides typically handle themselves (along with a planner or mother). For many of these, you\u2019re allowed to stay out of the way and just let things happen. Should you be asked for help, or for your input though, you should give it.<\/p>\n
The hard part here, oftentimes, is actually having an opinion. There were a few instances in the planning of my wedding where my bride asked for input, only to hear me say, \u201cI have no preference, do whatever you want.\u201d In my mind this was the right thing to say — let her take charge! But that wasn\u2019t what she wanted — she truly wanted an opinion from her groom. A lady is faced with so many choices it can be rather overwhelming, and sometimes she just needs a simple vote to push her to one side of a decision or another. So give her peace of mind by picking whatever option you feel a slight preference for, while acting as if you feel quite decided on the matter.<\/p>\n
There are certain wedding logistics you and your fianc\u00e9e should decide on together. These include:<\/p>\n
Below you\u2019ll find a list of duties that the groom is typically responsible for coordinating and planning. As with any wedding-related decision, always discuss it with the bride first, unless you\u2019ve expressly chosen otherwise as a couple (as with the honeymoon, perhaps). With many of these, decisions may in fact be made jointly, but you\u2019ll be the one actually booking, coordinating, and executing things.<\/p>\n
Choosing the groomsmen and ushers. <\/strong>After choosing as a couple how many bridesmaids\/groomsmen you\u2019ll have (generally led by how many the bride would like on her side), you\u2019ll pick the fellas that\u2019ll stand by your side as you say your vows. Friends, siblings, and cousins are all common selections here. Just be wise in choosing your best man; you want someone fun, but also responsible, as he has a number of important duties as well<\/a>. One additional note here is that you should usually include the bride\u2019s brother(s) if she has any.<\/p>\n Ushers<\/a> will also likely be your choice, as they\u2019re most often men. Be conscientious of the bride\u2019s male relatives here as well.<\/p>\n Clothing yourself and your groomsmen. <\/strong>While what you actually wear will likely be a joint decision with your bride, you\u2019ll be the one procuring the gentlemen\u2019s measurements and outfits. This always ends up being one of the trickier tasks, as you have to coordinate a bunch of sizings, appointments to try things on, etc., often with guys who aren\u2019t in the same town. Get ahead of the ball with this one, and don\u2019t wait until the last minute. You don\u2019t want to be stuck with mismatched or ill-fitting tuxes or suits (unless you\u2019re a hipster, of course, and that\u2019s what you\u2019re going for).<\/p>\n Finding a DJ or band.<\/strong> As a couple you\u2019ll probably discuss which types of songs you like, as well as first dances, including mother\/father dances. After that, it\u2019s likely up to you to book a DJ or band. If it\u2019s a band, use extra caution, and be sure to show your bride tapes and demos of their work. DJs are a little safer, as they can usually play whatever you request. You might be tempted to go on the cheap and hire a friend with an iPod, but this is quite risky. You don\u2019t realize how important flow and song selection are until you\u2019re in a situation where there is none. Tread carefully with that route.<\/p>\n Honeymoon.<\/strong> While many couples still go the route of having the groom plan the honeymoon in its entirety as a surprise, in today\u2019s modern world more brides than not want to be involved in the planning. No matter the case, you should take the lead on this one. This is a great chance for you to work on your negotiating skills<\/a> — call up hotels and rental car companies, let them know you\u2019re booking for your honeymoon, and you\u2019re likely to get special discounts and\/or upgrades.<\/p>\n Rehearsal dinner. <\/strong>The dinner on the night before the wedding is typically a monetary responsibility of the groom\u2019s family. It generally takes place after the rehearsal, and guests include relatives, the wedding party, non-relatives involved in the wedding (officiant, musicians, etc.), and any others your families decide to invite. The size and location (I\u2019ve seen everywhere from Hooters to picnics to nice Italian restaurants) will be a joint decision, but with your family taking the lead.<\/p>\n Transportation.<\/strong> You\u2019ll be tasked with arranging transportation for the wedding party, primarily from the ceremony to the reception. This often takes the form of a party bus or limousine, of which there are a zillion companies to choose from. You\u2019ll also want transportation for you and your bride from the reception to your home, hotel, or even airport. This is often just your own vehicle, but some folks want something special.<\/p>\n Arranging the marriage license. <\/strong>This is a detail that I\u2019ve seen forgotten multiple times. States are vastly different in how they issue marriage licenses. A few generalities though:<\/p>\n Making your wishes known about the <\/strong>bachelor party<\/a>. While the best man will do the planning of the bachelor part<\/a>y, you\u2019ll probably be involved. This is where choosing a responsible best man comes in handy. If you let him know your wishes, he\u2019ll most likely follow suit and you\u2019ll end up with a fun and memorable evening. You can be specific, saying where you\u2019d like to eat, exactly what you\u2019d like to do, etc. Or you can be general, telling him that you want to go somewhere classy for cocktails, followed by a steakhouse for dinner, and a cigar bar to top it off. If you\u2019re brave, you\u2019ll let the best man take care of everything<\/em> without your input. Don\u2019t say I didn\u2019t warn you.<\/p>\n This is without a doubt one of the most important, meaningful, memorable days of your life. The more present you are, the better it will be. Keep drinking to a minimum; my recommendation is to know your limit of how much you can have before getting tipsy, and stay under that number. Keep your phone handy, but only for wedding purposes; stay off ESPN and social media. Wake up early and be involved in the whole process — make the day as long as you can because you\u2019ll relish every minute of it later. Eat a good breakfast to keep butterflies at bay. Show up on time to each and every event. Do everything you can to make sure you\u2019re fully present<\/a>.<\/p>\n This relates to the point of being present, but also goes beyond that. Your wedding will be ripe with meaningful moments — as the groom, you\u2019ll want to be aware of those, and also cognizant in creating some. Whether it\u2019s the private \u201cfirst look\u201d (a new-ish trend of the bride and groom seeing each other for the first time, before the ceremony, for the sake of getting photos done), your \u201clast meal\u201d as a bachelor, a final conversation with your siblings or father or best man about what this day means to you, take advantage of these one-of-a-kind moments.<\/p>\n Many couples want to have a private moment before the ceremony to exchange personal wedding gifts. Some couples forego this, as it\u2019s obviously an extra expense. But it\u2019s a nice touch on the day of, and ensures that you and your fianc\u00e9e have a little bit of time just the two of you to create a special memory (see above). Jewelry is customary to give — something nice, but not too flashy or expensive. A pearl necklace or bracelet is a great option, in my opinion.<\/p>\n Your bride will obviously have her engagement ring, but you\u2019re responsible for the wedding bands. At some point in the day, you\u2019ll hand them off to your best man, who will present them to you during the ceremony. The closer to the ceremony, and the fewer times the rings change hands, the better.<\/p>\n It\u2019s customary to tip a number of vendors on your wedding day. Everyone from wedding planners, to DJs, to florists, to photographers and bartenders. Gratuity is often built into the contract, so be sure to double check that you aren\u2019t double tipping. If it\u2019s not, you can ask that it be included to save the hassle.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chances are good that something will go a little bit off-plan during the big day. Whether something big or small, you\u2019ll be at least partially tasked with de-stressing your bride, along with probably her mom and bridesmaids. You\u2019ll have to read each situation as it comes, but remind her that at the end of the day, no matter what happens between now and then, you\u2019ll be husband and wife. That\u2019s what matters most, even in the face of an imperfect day — and in the end, you\u2019ll remember it as perfect anyway!<\/p>\n It\u2019s customary for the groom to give gifts to each of his groomsmen as a thank you for being part of the big day. How much to spend really depends on your budget and station in life. If you\u2019re just out of college, $30-$50 on each is just fine. If you\u2019re a little older, and your groomsmen have traveled from across the country on their own dime, something around $100 is more appropriate. If not given on the day of, the rehearsal dinner is a good time to distribute the gifts.<\/p>\n Click here for ideas for classic and unique groomsmen gifts.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n One of your final responsibilities before being able to celebrate the night away will be to give a toast during speech time. You\u2019ll generally be last, and your task is easy: to simply thank and express your love to everyone who came. It doesn\u2019t need to be super prepared, but be sure to thank the parents, the wedding party, guests who came from far away, and anyone involved logistically. That\u2019s about it — no humor or long stories needed.<\/p>\n At some point during the day you\u2019ll want to declare someone responsible for returning the groomsmen outfits if they\u2019ve been rented. Having a point man ensures that all outfits are accounted for, and you aren\u2019t charged extra for not returning something on time. The best option for this is your best man. Your dad is a good backup option.<\/p>\n Sending thank you notes to all your wedding guests, and to those who didn\u2019t attend but sent gifts, is quite the task. Don\u2019t leave it all for your new bride to do. A good way to do it is to split up thank you notes between her side and yours. For shared friends, split them evenly, unless one side of your family\/friends is substantially larger; in that case, the one with the smaller portion of thank yous to write<\/a> should volunteer.<\/p>\n Finally, you have the wedding behind you, you\u2019re all settled, and you can breathe a sigh of relief that your primary task as a couple now is to simply enjoy each other. While the wedding day often feels like a culmination of your relationship, it\u2019s really just the start!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Relatively speaking, grooms have it easy. It\u2019s not our family that is traditionally responsible for budgeting or planning the wedding. And it\u2019s the bride who\u2019s usually much more interested and invested in how the whole shindig turns out. As the old clich\u00e9 has it, the groom\u2019s only responsibility is to show up on time. While […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":51023,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,42267,42285],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-49630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-marriage","category-relationships"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/10\/groom1-377x280.png","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/10\/groom1-320x259.png","rpwe-thumbnail":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/10\/groom1-45x45.png"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/26"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49630"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":171433,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49630\/revisions\/171433"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/51023"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49630"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=49630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
On the Wedding Day
\n<\/u><\/strong><\/h3>\nBe Present (Stay Sober)<\/h3>\n
Be Aware of, and Create, Meaningful Moments<\/h3>\n
Give the Bride a Gift<\/h3>\n
Rings<\/h3>\n
Tipping<\/h3>\n
De-Stress the Bride if Anything Goes Off-Plan<\/h3>\n
Give Thank You Gifts to the Groomsmen<\/h3>\n
Give a Thank-You Toast<\/h3>\n
Decide Who Returns Groomsmen Clothing<\/h3>\n
Afterwards<\/u><\/strong><\/h3>\n
Send Thank Yous<\/h3>\n
Enjoy Wedded Bliss!<\/h3>\n