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Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Brock McGoff<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n Are you a short man? Are you smaller than most other men? Does your physical stature sometimes make you feel more like a boy than a man?<\/p>\n Back in the day, I was always the shortest kid in class. Still am, actually. I\u2019m 5’6″ in boots, and I’ve never broken 130 lbs.<\/p>\n So I guess you could call me a small man, although I prefer the term “svelte.”<\/p>\n On top of this, I just look young. I can’t grow a mustache or a beard, and I don’t have much hair on my chest<\/a>.<\/p>\n I get carded every time I order a drink, and I can barely reach the hand holds on the subway.<\/p>\n My basketball career ended after middle school when everyone else was hitting their adolescent growth spurts. And it was impossible to find a suit that didn’t look like a hand-me-down from my big brother.<\/p>\n Needless to say, this really brought me down (pun intended).<\/p>\n My height, or lack thereof, used to be a huge source of insecurity. To be honest with you, it still is sometimes, especially:<\/p>\n But it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. I’m not focused on it anymore. My height doesn’t own me. I own it.<\/p>\n Being short isn\u2019t something that happened to me. It is<\/i> me. It’s who I am. And it took almost thirty years to realize that it\u2019s not a bad thing.<\/p>\n It\u2019s forced me to care about much more important traits like personality and selflessness. It has driven me to focus on building confidence and feeling manly in ways that have nothing to do with the genetic hand that I was dealt.<\/p>\n In other words, being the short kid has taught me an extremely valuable lesson:<\/p>\n Focus only on that which you can control.<\/b><\/p>\n You see, in your life, there are so many things you can’t control — your height, going bald, your IQ, how you were raised\u2026the list goes on.<\/p>\n Focusing on these things (which really means worrying about them) is a complete waste of time.<\/p>\n Instead, you should spend your time focusing on things you can<\/i> control, such as:<\/p>\n These are the areas on which you should focus your physical and mental energy because these are the things that lead to confidence.<\/p>\n Confidence isn\u2019t real. It\u2019s a mental construct. It\u2019s not the \u201cthing\u201d but the result. Which is why simply telling someone to \u201cbe more confident\u201d isn\u2019t very helpful.<\/p>\n You see this a lot over at Reddit\u2019s \/r\/short subreddit<\/a>. Male members of this short-statured community often voice their frustrations with dating and blame their height for their lack of romantic success.<\/p>\n Regardless of whether this is the case, more often than not the advice they get goes something like: \u201cWomen don\u2019t care about height, they care about confidence. So you should stop worrying about your height and try to be more confident.\u201d<\/p>\n If only it were that easy! You can\u2019t just choose to be confident. Think about what confidence actually is: A confident man is totally self-assured. He appreciates and relies on his own abilities and qualities<\/a>. Whether it\u2019s approaching a woman, nailing an interview, or fixing a toilet, a confident man genuinely feels that he can get the job done. He believes in himself enough to let other people trust in and rely on him.<\/p>\n That self-respect and self-reliance is confidence. And you can\u2019t get more of that by thinking and hoping. You have to give yourself reasons to believe in yourself — reasons that have nothing to do with the stuff you can\u2019t control, like your height.<\/p>\n Personally, I\u2019ve focused much of my energy on gaining skill and competence in two specific areas that are perfect for men who aren\u2019t exactly “perfect 10s,” especially shorter gents like me:<\/p>\n These sound like two completely unrelated pursuits, but martial arts and personal style actually have a lot in common:<\/p>\n That\u2019s not all they have in common. Martial arts training and dressing well can be frustrating, time-consuming, and expensive.<\/p>\n But both of these things have huge impacts on confidence, and they\u2019re both totally worth pursuing.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s dig deeper into each.<\/p>\n Before we get into the nitty-gritty of improving your image, we should answer an important question that often gets overlooked:<\/p>\n Why does dressing better make you more confident?<\/p>\n The right clothes can emphasize the positive aspects of your build, minimize its not-so-hot parts, and make you look more fit, put-together, masculine, and handsome than you \u201creally\u201d are. This has an effect that works on two levels: you feel better about yourself and thus carry yourself better, and at the same time, people compliment you more and approach and interact with you differently. Both effects feed into a positive feedback loop: the better you look, the more confident you act, and the more confident you act and better you look, the more positive feedback you get from others, which only makes you feel more confident!<\/p>\n Confidence comes from both without and within, and external signals from others have a big effect on how you feel on the inside. Your brain thinks, \u201cPeople are treating me like a competent, good-looking guy, therefore, I must be one.\u201d<\/p>\n Yet dressing better is hardly an automatic ticket to more confidence. In fact, if you go about it the wrong way, it can have the very opposite effect.<\/p>\n Oftentimes when guys decide they\u2019d like to start dressing better they go from one extreme to another — from jeans and t-shirts to sport coats and trousers. They feel over-dressed in many situations, and they often are<\/i> over-dressed. So too, the new garments they choose frequently don\u2019t fit them well, and are baggy and unflattering. Thus, instead of their clothes helping them feel confident, the new duds actually make them feel more<\/i> self-conscious and awkward.<\/p>\n As a style rookie<\/a>, the first thing you want to focus on isn\u2019t actually selecting types<\/em> of clothing at all, but ensuring they have the right fit<\/i>. Fit is truly 80% of dressing well, which is why it sits at the top of the style pyramid<\/a>.<\/p>\n Do you want to look leaner?<\/p>\n Wear clothes that fit.<\/i><\/p>\n Want to look taller?<\/p>\n Wear clothes that fit.<\/i><\/p>\n Want to look more manly?<\/p>\n Wear clothes that fit!<\/i><\/p>\n You get the point. Regardless of body type, clothes that fit properly make you look more athletic, put-together, and confident than clothes that fit poorly.<\/p>\n Of course, this is easier said than done. Unless you have a completely average body type, most clothes won\u2019t fit perfectly off the rack (without alterations<\/a>). So if you\u2019re extra short<\/a>\/skinny<\/a>\/tall<\/a>\/large<\/a>, you\u2019re out of luck.<\/p>\n In this case, the first step is to understand how clothes should<\/i> fit. Start with the basics:<\/p>\n Once you understand how clothes are supposed to fit, you need to audit your wardrobe to see what\u2019s worth keeping, what can be tailored, and what needs to go.<\/p>\n Be brutally honest here. If you haven\u2019t worn something in over a year, give it away as soon as possible.<\/p>\n After this cleanse is complete, you can build a wardrobe<\/a> full of clothes that flatter your body type.<\/p>\n Only after you understand fit should you start focusing on other aspects of style. Specifically, try to figure out:<\/p>\n Start upgrading your wardrobe by simply taking what you currently wear up a notch or two<\/a>. For example, swap out your t-shirts for polos, your baggy light-colored jeans for some dark, well-fitted denim, and your sneakers for chukkas<\/a>. As you become more comfortable in your slightly more dapper wardrobe, and start taking notice of where and when to wear certain garments, you can experiment with button-down shirts, non-denim pants, and yes, even sport coats.<\/p>\n And make sure to buy some compression shorts and a pair of boxing gloves, because you\u2019re going to need them to learn how to fight.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve never been in a real fight. Sure, my older brother beat up on me, and I beat up on my younger brothers (and we all beat up on our cousin, Matt). But I\u2019ve never been in an all-out street brawl.<\/p>\n And you know what? That\u2019s a good thing. Fighting is scary and dangerous, even if you \u201cwin.\u201d<\/p>\n But it\u2019s also inherently primal<\/a> and oddly thrilling, isn\u2019t it? I don\u2019t want to fight anyone, but on some level, I do want to be tested. I want to know that, if I had to, I could protect myself and my loved ones<\/a>.<\/p>\n In an interview with MMA Mania, Ryan Holiday said<\/a>:<\/p>\n \u201cWhile training jiu jitsu, I thought about Theodore Roosevelt a lot. Theodore Roosevelt was a weak, frail kid. His father actually came to him and was like, ‘You\u2019ve got a great mind but a very weak body, and a strong mind can\u2019t do what it needs to do with a weak body.’ But Roosevelt didn\u2019t just work out and lift dumbbells. It was about testing himself physically throughout his life: the idea of ‘The Strenuous Life<\/b>.’ It\u2019s about challenging yourself both mentally and physically. Jiu jitsu and MMA are the purest expressions of that idea. They\u2019re as simple as it gets.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Author Tucker Max, another MMA fan, had this to say about fighting<\/a>:<\/p>\n \u201cI think the thing that really clicked with me about MMA was how much more honest and real it was than anything else I’d ever done as an athlete. It just made sense to me on a deep, primal level.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I guess you can take the man out of the cave, but you can\u2019t take the cave out of the man, because fighting is more popular than ever. Partially due to the success of the UFC, mixed martial arts has become a huge industry.<\/p>\n There are more and more MMA gyms opening up in every city across America, which means that anyone who\u2019s interested in learning how to fight can do so in a safe, supportive environment.<\/p>\n I remember the first time I walked into an MMA gym. It was located in the basement of an old church in an \u201cup and coming\u201d part of the city. It was warm and humid and smelled like sweat. I heard the sound of gloves hitting the bags and hands slapping the mat.<\/p>\n They offered a bunch of different classes — everything from boxing to self-defense to grappling.<\/p>\n I decided to focus on Brazilian jiu-jitsu because I heard that was a good fighting style for smaller people. In fact, some of the earliest practitioners of BJJ were relatively small men.<\/p>\n This makes sense because jiu-jitsu is mostly ground fighting, and on the ground, height and size aren\u2019t nearly as important as they are on your feet.<\/p>\n Do you know what it feels like to take a man who\u2019s twice your size down to the mat then force him into submission? Talk about a confidence boost!<\/p>\n If you think BJJ might be for you, you should check out the Art of Manliness video series featuring Rener Gracie, a member of the family who created and popularized the style:<\/p>\n If you\u2019re feeling the urge to fight, I strongly recommend that you find a local BJJ, MMA, or boxing gym, and go check it out.<\/p>\n Use Google or Yelp to find an academy near your house or workplace. Give them a ring, and tell them you\u2019d like to come in for a trial class (most gyms will let you sit in on one or two classes for free).<\/p>\n Then stick with it! No matter what style you choose, it\u2019s going to be physically and mentally challenging. But it will get easier if you persist and you show up every week.<\/p>\n And the feeling you get that first time you make someone tap out? Well, you\u2019ll just have to experience that for yourself.<\/p>\n We\u2019re all insecure about something. It\u2019s usually something we can\u2019t control, like our height. Do your best to ignore these things, and instead focus on what you can<\/i> control, such as learning new skills (like martial arts) and presenting yourself in the best possible way (by dressing well).<\/p>\n And remember: For most of us, feeling confident isn\u2019t a natural state. It\u2019s a byproduct of taking action, forming habits, and constantly improving<\/p>\n ________________<\/p>\n Brock McGoff runs The Modest Man<\/a>, a style resource for short men who want to dress better and feel more confident. Check out his free PDF guide, How to Dress Taller: 11 Crucial Style Tips for Short Men<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Brock McGoff. Are you a short man? Are you smaller than most other men? Does your physical stature sometimes make you feel more like a boy than a man? Back in the day, I was always the shortest kid in class. 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Confidence Is Just a Construct<\/h3>\n
2 Effective Ways to Be More Confident<\/h3>\n
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How to Start Dressing Well<\/h3>\n
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Learning How to Fight<\/h3>\n
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Conclusion<\/h3>\n