{"id":46522,"date":"2021-03-12T07:33:23","date_gmt":"2021-03-12T13:33:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=46522"},"modified":"2021-09-25T14:38:47","modified_gmt":"2021-09-25T19:38:47","slug":"never-ask-these-5-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/relationships\/social-skills\/never-ask-these-5-questions\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Small Talk: 5 Questions Never to Ask"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/p>\n

With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we\u2019ve decided to republish a classic piece each Friday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in April 2015.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yesterday while making small talk<\/a> with the guy working the deli counter at my neighborhood grocery store, I asked him something that made me feel like a total heel. So I felt inspired to sit down and hammer out a short and simple article on 5 questions I have found are best to avoid asking altogether, as they have a significant chance of leading to awkwardness and the insertion of one\u2019s foot into one\u2019s mouth.<\/p>\n

Here they are:<\/p>\n

1. \u201cDid you go there for fun?\u201d<\/h3>\n

This was the question I asked the deli counter guy. He had told me he had been gone last week for a trip to Minnesota. To which I replied: \u201cAh cool. Did you go there just for fun?\u201d His answer: \u201cActually it was for my grandfather\u2019s burial.\u201d Me: \u201cOh. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d Stares at feet<\/em>.<\/p>\n

A variation of this, is when someone says they took a trip to such and such a place, and you say, \u201cOh, that must have been awesome! I love it there!\u201d To which they reply, \u201cWell, I went there with my wife to get a second opinion on her cancer.\u201d<\/p>\n

A better question:<\/strong> \u201cWhat took you out there?\u201d or \u201cWhat was the reason for your trip?\u201d<\/p>\n

2. \u201cWhen are you guys going to have kids?\u201d<\/h3>\n

This seems like a common, fairly innocuous question. Except when the couple you level your query at has been trying to have kids without success. Then your friendly question just becomes another shake of salt on the wound. And there\u2019s no good response for the couple to give in this situation, as they probably don\u2019t want to share details of their fertility problems with you. Or perhaps they haven’t decided if they want kids at all, or one partner does and one doesn’t, in which case you’re inviting further tension into the conversation.<\/p>\n

A better question:<\/strong> None \u2014 don\u2019t ask. If they want to tell you about their plan for producing progeny, they will.<\/p>\n

3. \u201cIs this your mother\/sister\/daughter?\u201d<\/h3>\n

You may feel like you know the relationship between two people, but you could be wrong. You ask if so-and-so is some guy\u2019s daughter, and he replies, \u201cShe\u2019s my girlfriend, actually.\u201d Or you ask a lady if the woman standing next to her is her daughter, and — doh! — it turns out to be her sister.<\/p>\n

A better question:<\/strong> \u201cAnd who is this lovely lady I have the pleasure of meeting?\u201d<\/p>\n

4. \u201cHow long have you two been dating?\u201d<\/h3>\n

This can be a question that automatically comes out of your mouth when a guy friend brings a lady guest to an event, or vice versa with a gal pal. But oops, they\u2019ve never talked about whether they\u2019re officially dating or not. Now they just look at each other, and the floor, awkwardly, and stumble out some vague reply.<\/p>\n

A better question:<\/strong> \u201cHow did you two meet?\u201d or \u201cHow long have you known each other?\u201d<\/p>\n

5. \u201cAre you pregnant?\u201d<\/h3>\n

Finally, the classic don\u2019t\u2013touch-that-with-a-ten-foot-pole question! A common but equally risky variation is, \u201cWhen are you due?\u201d (before you\u2019re actually sure she\u2019s pregnant). The potential for awkwardness is sky high when you venture this query. Stay away.<\/p>\n

A better question:<\/strong> There isn’t one. I don\u2019t ask even when their belly could knock a man over at 30 yards. Let them volunteer the info \u2014 it\u2019s bound to come up in conversation.<\/p>\n

As you can see, the main principle in asking polite small talk questions is to not make the questions leading, nor to assume. Because we all know what happens when we make assumptions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we\u2019ve decided to republish a classic piece each Friday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in April 2015. Yesterday while making small talk with the guy working the deli counter at my neighborhood grocery […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":47059,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,42285,42293],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-46522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-relationships","category-social-skills"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/04\/man-538x280.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/04\/man-320x357.jpg","rpwe-thumbnail":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2015\/04\/man-45x45.jpg"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46522","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=46522"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46522\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":140028,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46522\/revisions\/140028"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/47059"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=46522"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=46522"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=46522"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=46522"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}