{"id":30911,"date":"2021-10-10T15:39:03","date_gmt":"2021-10-10T20:39:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/artofmanliness.com\/?p=30911"},"modified":"2021-10-10T16:26:39","modified_gmt":"2021-10-10T21:26:39","slug":"how-to-end-a-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/relationships\/social-skills\/how-to-end-a-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to End a Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-30936 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/\/2013\/03\/exitconvo.jpg\" alt=\"Vintage businessmen talking conversation stern look.\" width=\"450\" height=\"444\" srcset=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2013\/03\/exitconvo.jpg 450w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2013\/03\/exitconvo-320x316.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><i>With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we\u2019ve decided to republish a classic piece each Sunday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in March 2013.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve done several articles on the Art of Manliness covering the wonderful art of conversation, from its <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/the-art-of-conversation\/\">dos and donts<\/a>, to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/people\/social-skills\/how-to-make-small-talk\/\">how to make small talk<\/a>, to avoiding the dreaded plague of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/the-art-of-conversation-how-to-avoid-conversational-narcissism\/\">conversational narcissism.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>A comment each of those posts invariably received was, \u201cThis is great. But, uh, how do you <i>end <\/i>a conversation?\u201d<\/p>\n<h3>Watch the Video<\/h3>\n<p><center><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/uG2bBWpeHPM\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/center>I get it. Warm, stimulating conversation can be one of the greatest satisfactions in life. But, unfortunately not all conversations are created equal. Some are more pain than pleasure. Maybe you strenuously avoid conversational narcissism yourself, but you\u2019re stuck talking to someone who\u2019s a master&nbsp;practitioner of the conversation-as-monologue method. Perhaps you\u2019re always getting caught by an annoying co-worker or neighbor who bends your ear complaining about the new prices in the cafeteria or waxes poetic on the joys of owning a Kia. It may not be that you don\u2019t like the person or enjoy his conversation, either. You may go to a party or networking event hoping to meet a lot of different folks but find yourself pinned down for a long time by one fellow. He\u2019s likable enough, but you spy people having a good time in other parts of the house and wonder what you\u2019re missing out on. Or you may simply genuinely have something you need to do, and you just don\u2019t have time for the conversation at the moment, even though you wish you did.<\/p>\n<p>We would all be well-served by striving to engage in more face-to-face conversations, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-listen-effectively\/\">taking the time to listen to others<\/a>, and doing our best to add to the back and forth of our daily interactions. But there are times when the conversation is truly going nowhere and\/or we need to go somewhere. So yes, the question naturally arises . . . how do you end a conversation without making it overly awkward or offending the other person?<\/p>\n<p>It isn\u2019t easy. Approaching someone might make you nervous but it consists entirely of positive behaviors \u2013 coming over, smiling, starting some small talk. Exiting a conversation, on the other hand, is made up of negative behaviors \u2013 stopping talking, backing away. No matter how amiable your intentions, the person can feel like you\u2019re rejecting them. This isn\u2019t a big deal if you\u2019re never going to see the person again, but if you will, you don\u2019t want things to be awkward (and you truly don\u2019t ever know for sure whether you\u2019ll meet someone again, so why burn any bridges?). And if the person is actually someone you do want to see in the future, but you just don\u2019t have the time to talk to them at length at the moment, you want to solidify your connection and leave things on a positive note.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no magic formula for making an exit that guarantees the person won\u2019t take offense. But there are several things you can do to disengage in the smoothest, most dignified way possible \u2013 minimizing the awkwardness, sparing the person\u2019s feelings as much as you can, and shoring up your rapport with someone you want to reconnect with later.<\/p>\n<p>These tips may be combined or used separately depending on your situation. Many apply both to face-to-face conversations and those conducted over the phone.<\/p>\n<p><b>Have a clear purpose\/agenda in mind.<\/b> Whether you\u2019re going to a party, a networking event, or simply the bathroom, have an agenda in mind for what you want to accomplish. Do you want to meet a lovely lady? Make a connection with someone who can help you redesign your website? Empty your throbbing bladder? Whenever you\u2019re trapped in a conversation, you\u2019re torn between potentially hurting someone\u2019s feelings by moving on and wanting to do something else. Having a clear purpose in mind for what you want to get done gives you the motivation to choose the latter. It also gives you some easy-to-create exit lines, as we\u2019ll discuss below.<\/p>\n<p><b>Wait for a lull in the conversation.<\/b> \u201cWell.\u201d \u201cOkay.\u201d \u201cAnyway.\u201d \u201cSo.\u201d Such words emerge when a conversation has momentarily stalled. They\u2019re turning points where either a new topic can be introduced, or the conversation may draw to a close. As such, they\u2019re the perfect opportunity to begin to disengage. The speaker will say \u201cSo,\u201d with an upward lilt in the voice, hopeful of the continuation of the conversation. You answer with a tone of more downbeat finality: \u201c<i>So<\/i>.\u201d And then you quickly transition into your exit line. \u201cSo, listen, it\u2019s been great catching up with you . . .\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Bring the conversation around to the reason you connected in the first place. <\/b>When possible, this makes for a smooth ending. Did the conversation start by you asking someone for their recommendation for a class to take? End with, \u201cWell, I appreciate the tip. I\u2019ll definitely try to get into that class during enrollment.\u201d Did it start by someone asking you to take care of a problem at work? Close things out with, \u201cSo I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I\u2019ll definitely send Jim an email this afternoon to figure out what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><b>Use an exit line.<\/b> This is where having an agenda as outlined above really helps. When it comes to what kind of exit line to use, first, be honest. Fabricating excuses is tempting, but it can come off as dishonest in the moment and lead to more trouble later if the truth gets out. Second, put the emphasis on what it is that <i>you<\/i> need to accomplish. This makes your exit seem less like a judgment of the other person \u2014 it\u2019s not about them, there\u2019s just something you need to do. Here are some examples of exit lines (likely prefaced by a \u201c<i>Well<\/i>\u2026\u201d):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I need to get a seat\/use the bathroom before the movie starts.<\/li>\n<li>I have a question I wanted to ask the speaker before he leaves.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019ve got to get back to work. I\u2019ve got a deadline I need to meet before noon.<\/li>\n<li>I want to make sure to say hello to everyone here.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019ve got to go inside and start getting dinner ready for the kiddos.<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m hoping to see the Romantic art exhibit before it closes.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you initiated the conversation, but now want out, and there isn\u2019t something you\u2019re hoping to do, try a line that brings closure to a conversation by implying you\u2019ve crossed something off your checklist (\u201cjust\u201d is your friend here):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>So, just wanted to make sure everything was okay.<\/li>\n<li>Well, just wanted to see how the new job was going.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If the other person initiated the conversation, and did so to ask for help\/advice, conclude things by asking:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Is there anything else I can help you with?<\/li>\n<li>Is there anything else you needed?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>For a situation where the above exit lines aren\u2019t appropriate, simply wait for a conversational turning point and say something like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Well, it was great catching up with you.<\/li>\n<li>Anyway, it was fun to see you again.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Using the past tense in such lines tells the other person that the conversation has come to a close.<\/p>\n<p>Another type of all-purpose exit line is something like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Anyway, I don\u2019t want to monopolize all your time.<\/li>\n<li>Well, I don\u2019t want to keep you from your work.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019d only use the above lines, however, when your conversation partner does indeed look like they want out, or you simply can\u2019t think of anything to say. They can come off as a bit condescending \u2014 after all, if they really minded you taking their time, aren\u2019t they capable of saying so themselves? You also run the risk of them jumping in with, \u201cOh no, I don\u2019t mind at all!\u201d and the conversation continuing on. Finally, generally when you hear such lines from someone, they clearly register as a getaway attempt.<\/p>\n<p><b>Introduce the person to someone else.<\/b> If one of the above exit lines won\u2019t do the trick, try introducing your conversation partner to someone else. \u201cIt was great talking to you, Paul. There\u2019s someone else I\u2019d like you to meet. My friend Sam over here is also in software design.\u201d Walk your conversation partner over or flag down your friend. Then say, \u201cI\u2019ll let you guys talk.\u201d Now you should only employ this method if you genuinely think the two would mutually enjoy the connection. You don\u2019t want to pawn an insanely boring, or simply insane person on someone else just so you can wriggle away.<\/p>\n<p><b>Get the person to introduce you to someone else<\/b>. This is a good method for networking-type events. Ask the person if they know someone that can help you with a problem:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do you know anyone who\u2019s dealt with the guys who run ___?<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m really interested in ___? Do you know anyone with experience in that?<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019ve been wondering how to get started with ___? Do you know anyone who\u2019s done that?<\/li>\n<li>Can you suggest anyone who could help with ___?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If your conversation partner does know someone who can help with your request, they\u2019re likely to take you over to meet him or her. If they don\u2019t, you can simply say, \u201cWell, I really need to find someone who can help me with this. I\u2019m going to ask some more people.\u201d Either way you\u2019ve just smoothly extricated yourself from the conversation.<\/p>\n<p><b>Invite the person to do something with you. <\/b>This allows you to make a possible exit\/continue on to what you wanted to do without your conversation partner feeling abandoned, and allowing them to still feel wanted. Say something like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I\u2019m going to try to meet the speaker. Do you want to come?<\/li>\n<li>I\u2019m ready for another drink. Want to go over to the bar with me?<\/li>\n<li>I want to check out the Picasso exhibit. Do you want to go see it?<\/li>\n<li>Let\u2019s check out the buffet.<\/li>\n<li>My friend Mike just walked in. Let\u2019s go say hi to him.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If the person declines your invitation, well, you\u2019ve successfully ended your conversation with them. If they accept the invitation, you can hook up with some more people who can liven things up, and you can keep after whatever your original agenda\/purpose was before you got pulled into the conversation.<\/p>\n<p><b>Bow out when others join the conversation.<\/b> This is a standard, tried and true method. Once other people join the circle of conversation and things get going between your old partner(s), you slip away.<\/p>\n<p><b>End with appreciation.<\/b> Whichever of the above methods you employ to exit a conversation, end the interaction with appreciation. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/podcast\/how-to-make-small-talk-2\/\">Small talk expert Debra Fine<\/a> calls appreciation \u201ca compliment with closure.\u201d Recap the conversation in a positive way, thank the person for giving their time, sharing their expertise, or simply being fun to get to know, and be sincere \u2014 only say it if you mean it. Use their name too \u2014 it builds a last bit of rapport (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-remember-a-persons-name-and-what-to-do-when-you-cant\/\">and it helps solidify their name in your memory if you just met them<\/a>). This kind of goodbye ensures you go out on a high note, with warm feelings between you.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Thank you for sharing your thoughts on going to law school, Sean. It really helped me think though my decision.<\/li>\n<li>It was wonderful catching up with you, Sarah. I haven\u2019t laughed that hard in a long time.<\/li>\n<li>I appreciated getting your thoughts on the issue, Dan. I\u2019ll take care of it as soon as possible.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you didn\u2019t appreciate the conversation, and don\u2019t want to encourage the person to strike up another one next time they see you, just end with one of the exit lines above, and then a simple, \u201cOkay, take care,\u201d or something similar.<\/p>\n<p><b>Smile\/shake hands\/make plans.<\/b> Before you go, give them a smile and shake their hand. Like using their name, it adds an element of personal warmth and rapport-building to your exit. Once you shake hands, start to physically back away to avoid the possibility of the conversation springing back to life.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019d like to see the person again, tell them so, and ask for a phone number\/email\/business card. If you feel like things went well, despite your need to bounce early, make specific plans for when you\u2019ll talk\/meet up again.<\/p>\n<p><b>Purposefully head to your destination.<\/b> Fine argues that &#8220;The cardinal rule of the exit is that when you depart, you do what you said you were going to do.\u201d If you say you need to find a seat before class starts, but then walk ten feet, and start talking to someone else, your jilted conversation partner is going to know you lied and dumped them. Likewise, if you say you need to go talk to someone else, but then she sees you wandering aimlessly through the party looking lost, she\u2019s going to feel hurt. Our eyes are attracted to movement \u2014 people will notice. Go with deliberate purpose to do what you said you needed to do.<\/p>\n<p>If all else fails, you can always make like the writer George Plimpton, who always carried around two drinks at events. If he found himself stuck in an unwanted conversation, he\u2019d politely extricate himself by saying he needed to deliver the other drink!<\/p>\n<p>At the end of the day, employing the above methods can help you avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings, and strengthen a connection you hope to revisit at another time. But if being polite doesn\u2019t work, sometimes you just need to <a title=\"Quit Being a Pushover: How to Be Assertive\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/people\/social-skills\/how-to-be-assertive\/\">be assertive<\/a>, bid the person good day, and turn heel. You wouldn\u2019t let someone stand there and pick your pockets, would you? Time is worth far more than money. Don\u2019t let people rob you of it.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>For more tips on ending a conversation, and the art of small talk in general, listen to our podcast with Debra Fine:<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/player.simplecast.com\/d3fa476c-b9c3-4d7d-9068-e00bc60c155a?dark=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"200px\" frameborder=\"no\" scrolling=\"no\" seamless=\"\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><em>Sources:<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/1401302262\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1401302262&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20\">The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/a> by Debra Fine<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/1592404979\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1592404979&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20\">The Art of Conversation<\/a> by Catherine Blyth<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0983007802\/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0983007802&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20\">Small Talk, Big Result<\/a>s by Diane Windingland<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>With our archives now 3,500+ articles deep, we\u2019ve decided to republish a classic piece each Sunday to help our newer readers discover some of the best, evergreen gems from the past. This article was originally published in March 2013. We\u2019ve done several articles on the Art of Manliness covering the wonderful art of conversation, from [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":143481,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,42285,42293],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-30911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-relationships","category-social-skills"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2013\/03\/end-feat-446x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2013\/03\/end-feat-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2013\/03\/end-feat-320x204.jpg"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30911","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30911"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30911\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":143485,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30911\/revisions\/143485"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/143481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30911"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=30911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}