{"id":21921,"date":"2011-12-20T12:47:13","date_gmt":"2011-12-20T18:47:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/artofmanliness.com\/?p=21921"},"modified":"2026-03-13T11:10:29","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T16:10:29","slug":"how-to-be-a-party-host","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/relationships\/social-skills\/how-to-be-a-party-host\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party&#8211;Part IV: A Primer on Being the Ultimate Host"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-21923\" title=\"host\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/\/2011\/12\/host.jpg\" alt=\"Vintage party host holding the tray of drinks for guests illustration.\" width=\"350\" height=\"504\" srcset=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host.jpg 400w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host-320x461.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cHospitality seems to be composed of two parts sincerity and one part preparedness.\u201d <em>Esquire Handbook for Hosts<\/em>, 1953<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe main requirements for a good host are self-confidence, self-respect, and a clear idea of his responsibilities to his guests.\u201d \u2013<em>Esquire Etiquette<\/em>, 1954<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If you\u2019re an Art of Manliness man, you\u2019ve probably already got the self-respect and sincerity aspects of hospitality in spades. And if you\u2019ve been following this series on how to throw an awesome holiday party, the preparedness part has also been taken care of.<\/p>\n<p>So that leaves an understanding of your responsibilities to your guests. And that&#8217;s what we&#8217;ll be diving into today in the final installment of this series, offering a primer on what to do during each phase of your party in order to be the ultimate host.<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Before the Party<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><em><strong>Getting Things Ready<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You can do things like vacuuming and tidying up a day or two before the party. But you might want to clean the bathroom the day of, especially if it\u2019s the only bathroom in your apartment and you\u2019ll be using it earlier in the day. Make sure there\u2019s TP on the rolls. And if people will be using the bathroom you normally use, and you have stuff in your cabinets you don\u2019t want folks to see, hide it. Someone will definitely take a peek.<\/li>\n<li>If you\u2019re going to be using the same glasses, plates, and silverware for the party that you normally do, and some of it is sitting dirty in the dishwasher, run the load even if it isn\u2019t full. You want as many clean glasses and dinnerware available for the party as possible.<\/li>\n<li>Take care of any food prep you can do ahead of time.<\/li>\n<li>Decide where you\u2019re going to put people\u2019s coats. You may want to clear out a closet for this purpose. Or you can plan to lay them on a bed. If you have two available bedrooms, it\u2019s nice to have one \u201ccoatroom\u201d for the ladies and one for the men. That way you don&#8217;t end up with a giant pile of coats that resembles Marjory the Trash Heap from Fragglerock.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em><strong>Setting the Mood<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Many hostesses like to go all out with creating festive decorations and centerpieces and whatnot. But as a man you\u2019ll likely want to keep things simple when it comes to setting the scene. A party\u2019s mood may seem like an intangible,&nbsp; hard to pin down thing, but it\u2019s simply composed of the elements which stimulate our senses. So you want to create sights, sounds, and smells that meld well and evoke feelings of coziness, relaxation, holiday cheer, and perhaps a little nostalgia.&nbsp; Here are some suggestions for doing that:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sight.<\/strong> Lighting is a critical factor in setting an event&#8217;s mood. And nothing gets you coziness on tap faster than firelight, in big doses or small. So light 3-4 candles around the house, <a title=\"How to Start a Cozy Fireplace Fire\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-start-a-cozy-fireplace-fire\/\">start a roaring fire in the fireplace<\/a> (if you have one), and turn on the Christmas tree. For an extra touch of lighted charm, drape garland interlaced with white lights around the fireplace mantel or over a doorway or two.<\/p>\n<p>Hanging up a little mistletoe never hurts either.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Smell.<\/strong> Pick scented candles for your mood lighting. Just regular scented candles\u2014firing up 3 of those air freshener candles will be overpowering. Pick a holiday-esque scent like pumpkin pie or evergreen and make it the same scent for all the candles\u2014you don\u2019t want them to compete and jar your guests&#8217; olfactory senses. If the party will be taking place in one room, or a small apartment, use just 1 scented candle, and make the other 2 unscented. <a title=\"The Christmas Tree Crib Sheet: How To Pick, Set up, and Care For Your Tree\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/pick-buy-select-care-christmas-tree\/\">I know you have a real Christmas tree<\/a>, so that will add a little natural fragrance, as will the smell of your delicious holiday cooking.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sound.<\/strong> No holiday party is complete without some Christmas music playing in the background. Personally I prefer\u2014surprise, surprise\u2014classic holiday tunes from the oldtime crooners. Kate and I listened to the \u201cWhite Christmas\u2014Bing Crosby\u201d station on Pandora while working on this post in order to get in the mood.<\/p>\n<p>Of course the problem with using Pandora as your party&#8217;s DJ is that unless you\u2019re a premium member, the songs will be interspersed with ads and the music will stop periodically when they ask if you\u2019re still listening. Another option is to create a playlist on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.spotify.com\/us\/signup\/?sp_t_counter=3\">Spotify<\/a>\u2014if you have the Spotify app you can plug your phone into some speakers and be good to go. And of course you can just create the playlist on your mp3 player by buying and downloading songs. If you\u2019re short on cash, ask friends and family if they have some Christmas CD\u2019s\u2014they probably do&#8211;and burn the songs off them. Or you can play the CD\u2019s on an actual, honest-to-goodness CD player if you still have one. Remember CD players?<\/p>\n<p>I just discovered the easiest option of all while decorating the Christmas tree last week. If you have expanded cable, there are a bunch of channels that only play music, and there&#8217;s a channel for holiday tunes this time of year. The mix was really quite good&#8211;nary a Mariah Carey or Bieber song to offend the ears&#8211;and would be perfect for a party. The channel also cycles through seasonal pictures and trivia, which will add to your &#8220;sight&#8221; requirement and give your bored guests something to stare at.<\/p>\n<p><em>A final note on prepping for your party: If you\u2019re going to be doing your preparations close to party time, unless the things you need to do will get you very sweaty, shower and dress <\/em>first<em>, and then finish up. If guests come early, you want to look ready, instead of greeting them in a towel.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>As the Guests Arrive<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Greet each guest warmly and individually.<\/strong> Open the door for them, and say something welcoming: \u201cSo good to see you!\u201d Administer hugs or handshakes. Take their coats (ladies first), and put them in your designated closet or \u201ccoatroom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Keep in mind that it\u2019s perfectly fine to break away from a conversation with another guest in order to answer the door. They\u2019ll understand.<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s a big party, it\u2019s okay to put a sign on the door inviting guests to come in, along with signs on the wall pointing them to the coatroom and bathroom.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Introduce the new guests to those who have already arrived.<\/strong> Lead the recent arrival over to those they already know or a group you think they&#8217;d like. When doing the latter, <a title=\"How to Make Introductions Like a Gentleman\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-make-introductions-like-a-gentleman\/\">introduce the new arrival to the other guests,<\/a> while at the same time providing them with a subject to get the conversation going. \u201cTed, I\u2019d like you to meet Mike. Mike, Ted is also training for the Boston Marathon.\u201d Now Ted and Mike will start talking about how their training is going. They&#8217;ll be good pals in no time.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Finally, ask the new guest if he\u2019d like something to drink. <\/strong>Go and retrieve the beverage.<strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>During the Party<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-21922 size-full\" title=\"host2\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host2.jpg\" alt=\"Vintage party host serving drinks to ladies.\" width=\"408\" height=\"415\"\/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Keep the food and drinks refilled<\/strong>. If you see a guest carrying around an empty drink, ask if she\u2019d like another.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Protect your guests from each other, and from circumstances.<\/strong> As <em>Esquire Etiquette<\/em> explains: &#8220;The perfect host takes it upon himself to protect his guests from boredom, from loneliness, and from left-out-ness. By a kind of musical chairs, he shuffles the assembled guests into new conversation groups whenever it seems necessary.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This sentence in the book had an asterisk, which read: \u201cIt is necessary when you spy guests studying your indifferent pictures, reading your dusty Encyclopedia, fixing your split-second-perfect clock, or placing coast-to-coast phone calls.\u201d Hey, remember Encyclopedias? This can easily be updated to: \u201cIt is necessary when you spy your guests checking their iPhones every two minutes or playing Angry Birds.\u201d Of course some guests would stay glued to their phones even amidst the excitement of say, the Brazilian Carnival; these people cannot be helped no matter how much shuffling you do.<\/p>\n<p>Now how do you do this kind of shuffling without it seeming obvious? Well one good technique is to draw one or two people away from the group by asking for their assistance with something, \u201cHey Sarah, I\u2019ve got another bowl of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/living\/food-drink\/general-eisenhowers-5-star-holiday-eggnog\/\">eggnog<\/a> in the fridge, could you go bring it out?\u201d When they leave, introduce some new people into the group.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Keep the conversation amiable and engaging.<\/strong> If a group is bored or irritated by a ranting boor of a guest, and you don\u2019t feel like you can pull off the shuffling technique, then take it upon yourself to interject some interesting conversational topics\u2014or to steer the talk away from controversial or embarrassing subjects, \u201cremember-when\u2019s\u201d that only apply to a few in the group, or the technical tidbits of a subject that only two guests can follow.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" title=\"party2\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/\/2011\/12\/party2.jpg\" alt=\"Vintage party host tuning radio in living room.\" width=\"400\" height=\"383\"\/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Help out a shy guest or someone who doesn\u2019t know anyone else by making them your assistant.<\/strong> Nobody wants to be the person awkwardly standing by themselves, unsure of whom to talk to.&nbsp; So enlist your shy friend to be your helper. Giving them something specific to pass around or do will ease their anxiety, help them not feel so out of place, and give them a reason to mix with others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Spend a little time with each guest<\/strong>. As <em>Esquire Etiquette<\/em> notes: \u201cMany a harried host, without meaning to, say nothing between hello and goodbye to many of his guests. Try to have at least a brief conversation with everyone who comes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" title=\"D 53\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/\/2011\/12\/part3.jpg\" alt=\"Vintage party guests looking at holiday cards on mantle.\" width=\"436\" height=\"500\"\/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Maintain a jovial attitude.<\/strong> As a host you want to stake out the middle ground between trying too hard and not trying at all, being especially aware of avoiding the former. The host who tries too hard interrupts conversations that are going swimmingly, offers to refill drinks before guests have finished the one in their hands, keeps apologizing if things don\u2019t go perfectly, urges people to take part in things in which they\u2019re not interested, and incessantly asks if everyone is having a good time. The harried host is a ball of nervous energy, and this anxiety spreads through the party and kills the mood.<\/p>\n<p>A good host enjoys his own party; he has good time, just not <em>too<\/em> good of a time. He\u2019s alert to what is going on, but appears relaxed. If things don\u2019t go exactly as planned, he apologizes, has a laugh about it, and goes on with the night. A good host seeks not the throw the perfect party, but to subtly maximize the good moments while minimizing the bad.<\/p>\n<p>If you successfully strike this balance, people will leave your party thinking not \u201cWhat a good host Jim was!&#8221; But simply, \u201cWhat a good time I had!\u201d<\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>At the End of the Party<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><strong>Say good night to each guest and see them to the door<\/strong>. Thank them for coming and tell them how great it was to see them. But do not introduce a new conversation topic as you say your goodbyes\u2014you\u2019ll end up standing in the doorway in what will become a 15 minute farewell tour.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If one of your guests has had a few too many drinks, call him a cab, make sure he goes home with a sober guest, or invite him to sleep over.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Nudge the lingering guest out the door.<\/strong> Most guests will naturally know when it\u2019s time to head out. But there may be one or two who overstay their welcome. How do you subtly get them out the door?<\/p>\n<p>The <em>Esquire Handbook for Hosts<\/em> offers these tongue-mostly-in-cheek suggestions:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Turn to your wife or straight-man and say, &#8220;C\u2019mon, c\u2019mon, let\u2019s be getting on home so these people can get some sleep.&#8221; Then look honestly embarrassed when said wife reminds you, &#8220;Why, we are at home, silly!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Fix the radio: &#8220;You don\u2019t mind? &nbsp;I\u2019ve been meaning to do this for weeks.&#8221; Or better still, fix the clock and keep asking what time it is. Even if the ruse fails, the evening will not have been wasted\u2014provided, of course, that clock or radio needs fixing.<\/p>\n<p>Arrange with your dog to demand to be taken out, so you can explain, smiling weakly, &#8220;We always walk the dog just before bedtime; guess he thinks I\u2019ve forgotten him.&#8221; With appropriate &#8220;There-there-Duke\u2014we\u2019ll go out soon\u2019s&#8221; in the dog\u2019s direction, of course.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Congratulations! You just threw a successful party! We\u2019ll end with this final rule of being a gentlemanly host from <em>Esquire Etiquette<\/em>: <em>\u201cWhen the party&#8217;s over, he does not repeat anything which happened to the discredit of any of his guests.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>We hope you\u2019ve enjoyed this series on how to throw an awesome holiday party! Remember that most of the tips apply to hosting an event any old time. Have fun gentlemen and Merry Christmas!<\/p>\n<p><strong>How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party Series:<\/strong><br \/>\n<a title=\"How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party\u2013Part I: Choosing a Party Theme\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/choosing-holiday-party-theme\/\">Choosing a Party Theme<\/a><br \/>\n<a title=\"How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party\u2013Part II: Guest Lists, Invitations, and Planning\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/party-invitations-guest-lists-plans\/\">Guest Lists, Invitations, and Planning<\/a><br \/>\n<a title=\"How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party-Part III: A Simple and Jolly Dinner Menu\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/holiday-party-dinner-menu\/\">A Simple and Jolly Dinner Menu<\/a><br \/>\n<a title=\"How to Throw an Awesome Holiday Party Part IV: A Primer on Being the Ultimate Host\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/etiquette\/how-to-be-a-party-host\/\">A Primer on Being the Ultimate Host<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cHospitality seems to be composed of two parts sincerity and one part preparedness.\u201d Esquire Handbook for Hosts, 1953 \u201cThe main requirements for a good host are self-confidence, self-respect, and a clear idea of his responsibilities to his guests.\u201d \u2013Esquire Etiquette, 1954 If you\u2019re an Art of Manliness man, you\u2019ve probably already got the self-respect and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":21923,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42285,42293],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-21921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","category-social-skills"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host-400x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2011\/12\/host-320x461.jpg"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21921","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21921"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":171252,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21921\/revisions\/171252"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21923"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21921"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=21921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}