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Started in 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development represents the longest longitudinal study on happiness ever conducted. It set out to follow a group of men through every stage of their lives, from youth to old age, and continues to study their descendants.<\/span><\/p>\n The Harvard Study aimed to discover what makes human beings flourish, and its overarching conclusion was this: it\u2019s all about good relationships. The Harvard Study has found that the quality of a person\u2019s relationships has the biggest influence on their health and happiness. <\/span><\/p>\n Robert Waldinger, the current director of the Harvard Study, uses a great phrase to refer to this relational factor: <\/span>social fitness<\/span><\/i>. However, in the book he co-authored, <\/span>The Good Life<\/span><\/i><\/a>, he never directly explains and unpacks what the concept of social fitness involves.<\/span><\/p>\n Below, we\u2019ll take a stab at doing so. <\/span><\/p>\n We typically talk about fitness in terms of physical fitness, but it\u2019s a very apt way to describe our social lives as well. We\u2019ll get into the parallels between the two concepts in a moment, but let\u2019s first explain what social fitness is.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cFitness\u201d can refer to a couple of things. <\/span><\/p>\n One is a person\u2019s current state and condition. (\u201cHe <\/span>is<\/span><\/i> fit.\u201d)<\/span><\/p>\n The other is a person\u2019s capacity to perform a certain role, task, or function. (\u201cHe is fit enough <\/span>to<\/span><\/i> ____.\u201d)<\/span><\/p>\n Physical and social fitness each encompass both of these qualities. <\/span><\/p>\n When you\u2019re physically fit, you\u2019re in good shape. Your cardiovascular system is healthy, your weight is normal, your muscles are toned. You are also sufficiently fit to perform certain athletic activities, like running a certain distance or lifting a certain amount of weight.<\/span><\/p>\n Likewise, when you\u2019re socially fit, your relationships are in good shape. You have a sufficient number of ties and a sufficient amount of contact with them. Your relationships are marked more by intimacy and warmth than stress and strain. <\/span><\/p>\n To assess the state of your social fitness, ask yourself how much you agree with statements like:<\/span><\/p>\n Social fitness not only encompasses the state of having healthy relationships, but also the capacity to show up well in these relationships. <\/span><\/p>\n To assess the \u201cfit <\/span>for<\/span><\/i>\u201d element of your social fitness, ask yourself how much you agree with statements like:<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, both of the elements of fitness are inextricably connected. In both the social and physical realms, you become fit by exercising your capacities, and the more fit you are, the more capacities you can exercise. <\/span><\/p>\n To better understand the concept of social fitness, and how it\u2019s developed and maintained, it\u2019s helpful to think through its parallels with something we\u2019re more familiar with: physical fitness.<\/span><\/p>\n In our primitive past, people had to move their bodies by way of necessity. Physical activity was built into the tasks of daily life. <\/span><\/p>\n In the modern world, it’s possible to perform most of life\u2019s necessary tasks from a seated position. Exercising takes intentional decisions and will.<\/span><\/p>\n In the same way, social fitness used to be an automatic part of life. Primitive peoples lived in small communities, which were filled, morning to night, with face-to face interactions. Today, with the rise of technology and work-from-home jobs, it\u2019s possible to go very long stretches without talking to someone in the flesh. <\/span><\/p>\n Just like the physical movements that arise naturally during the day (like walking to and from your car in a parking lot), are not enough to maintain your physical fitness, the amount of spontaneous social interactions that crop up in your routine are typically not enough to maintain your social fitness.<\/span><\/p>\n Social health does not happen by default; it requires dedicated effort.<\/span><\/p>\n You know the potential health consequences of a sedentary lifestyle: cancer, obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety. You\u2019ve probably also heard that many of those same maladies are linked to loneliness. <\/span><\/p>\n The Harvard Study found that \u201cThe people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest (mentally and physically) at age 80.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Thousands of years of human history has designed us to move, and to socialize. If we ignore these hardwired needs, both our physical and our mental health deteriorates.<\/span><\/p>\n Related to the idea of fitness as both a state and a capacity is the fact that in both its physical and social forms, fitness offers an individual freedom <\/span>from<\/span><\/i> and freedom <\/span>to<\/span><\/i>. It\u2019s both a protective and proactive quality \u2014 something that prevents the bad and allows us to do more good.<\/span><\/p>\n Physical fitness gives you freedom from diseases, fatigue, poor sleep, and mental malaise, while also granting you freedom to navigate varied environments, play sports, climb mountains, play with your children, and so on. <\/span><\/p>\n Social fitness likewise offers freedom from bodily and mental maladies and also keeps the burdening stresses and sadnesses of strained relationships at bay. At the same time, it provides the freedom to enjoy rich friendships, get ahead at work, feel confident at parties, find love, and experience joy in a happy and long-lasting marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n Have you ever been out to a social engagement after a long hiatus from face-to face interactions and noticed that all your behaviors came out cringe-inducingly creaky? You felt like a social Tin Man who\u2019d gone too long without an oiling. <\/span><\/p>\n Even if you lift weights for years and years, once you stop, your muscles will begin to atrophy. Likewise, if you fall out of the socializing habit, your interpersonal skills get rusty.<\/span><\/p>\n Some people are more physical. Some people are less. Some people truly enjoy working out. Others highly dislike it. Regardless of what category someone falls into, getting exercise is equally important for their health.<\/span><\/p>\n Some people are more social. Some people are less. Some people are naturally inclined towards extroversion; some people are more introverted. Regardless of what category someone falls into, socialization is equally important for their health. <\/span><\/p>\n In the case of both social and physical fitness, a minimum amount of exercise is needed to maintain good health. But the amount someone needs beyond that minimum to be at their best will vary. <\/span><\/p>\n Some people need to work out an hour every day to not go bonkers. Others only need to do 30 minutes of dedicated exercise several times a week to stay trim and feel copacetic. <\/span><\/p>\n Some people need to be out socializing multiple times a week to feel happy; others are content with far more occasional gatherings. <\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Waldinger says that one of the questions he\u2019s asked most frequently is how many friends someone needs to have. He says there\u2019s no set answer; it depends on the person. Some people are perfectly happy having just one good friend; others need a dozen. <\/span><\/p>\n In a similar way, different people are drawn to different forms of social and physical exercise. Just as some people like playing tennis and others like yoga, some people enjoy small talk and others like deep, emotion-exploring conversations. But just as someone who likes running but dislikes weightlifting may need to lift weights in order to stay healthy for running, even people who dislike small talk must engage in it as an on-ramp to more intimate exchanges. <\/span><\/p>\n While the natural desire for socializing, optimal social circle size, need for interactions, and inclination towards certain types of socializing will vary from person to person, everyone needs a quality stream of socialization in their life.<\/span><\/p>\n Working on your physical fitness offers personal advantages: you look and feel better and are capable of engaging in life\u2019s most fun and adventurous pursuits. But it also confers a benefit on society: you\u2019re prepared to assist others in an emergency, are less of a burden on the healthcare system, and have the vim and vigor to do as much good as possible in the world.<\/span><\/p>\nWhat Is \u201cSocial Fitness\u201d?<\/span><\/h2>\n
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The Parallels Between Physical and Social Fitness<\/span><\/h2>\n
Physical and social fitness were once defaults, but now require intention to maintain. <\/h2>\n
Ignoring your physical and social fitness results in serious health consequences. <\/h2>\n
Physical and social fitness offer freedom from<\/i> and freedom to<\/i>.<\/h2>\n
If you don\u2019t use your physical and social fitness, you lose it.<\/b><\/h2>\n
Some people are more inclined towards physical and social fitness than others, but everybody needs them all the same.<\/h2>\n
Cultivating physical and social fitness constitutes both a self-interested exercise and an act of service.<\/h2>\n