{"id":143746,"date":"2021-11-06T20:37:16","date_gmt":"2021-11-07T01:37:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=143746"},"modified":"2021-11-06T22:41:56","modified_gmt":"2021-11-07T03:41:56","slug":"sunday-firesides-dont-define-yourself-by-what-youre-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/character\/advice\/sunday-firesides-dont-define-yourself-by-what-youre-not\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday Firesides: Don’t Define Yourself By What You’re Not"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Ask any graphic designer or architect, and they\u2019ll tell you that, much to their chagrin, clients have a much easier time expressing what they don\u2019t<\/em> like about a draft or mock-up than conveying what they\u2019d rather have it look like instead.<\/p>\n

Individuals often evince this same dynamic in designing the architecture of their lives.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to be like everybody else. I don\u2019t want a 9-5 job. I don\u2019t want an ordinary life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perfectly understandable. But how would you describe the extraordinary life that you desire?<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not like my dad. I\u2019m not like my brother. I\u2019m not like my neighbors.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alright. But what are you like then?<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t drink. I don\u2019t smoke. I don\u2019t swear.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fine. But what are the positive habits that define you?<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t like hypocrites. I\u2019m not religious. I don\u2019t believe in God.\u201d<\/p>\n

Okay. But what do you believe in?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s much easier to define yourself by what you\u2019re not<\/em>, than it is to define yourself by what you are<\/em>. It\u2019s much easier to say what you don\u2019t like, and don\u2019t want, than it is to articulate what you do.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to reject, renounce, repudiate. Negative, destructive energy is instinctual. Even a three-year-old can topple a structure, burn something down.<\/p>\n

Acts of affirmation are harder. They require creativity, intention, vision<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Clearing the decks can be a helpful first step in figuring out the person you want to be and the life you want to lead.<\/p>\n

But if you ever want to build something meaningful, erect something beautiful, you have to move beyond rooting your identity in what you\u2019re against<\/em>, and decide what it is exactly that you\u2019re for<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ask any graphic designer or architect, and they\u2019ll tell you that, much to their chagrin, clients have a much easier time expressing what they don\u2019t like about a draft or mock-up than conveying what they\u2019d rather have it look like instead. Individuals often evince this same dynamic in designing the architecture of their lives. \u201cI […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":143755,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42270,502],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-143746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","category-character"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-538x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-320x163.jpg"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143746","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=143746"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143746\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":143754,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143746\/revisions\/143754"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/143755"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=143746"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=143746"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=143746"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=143746"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}