{"id":143746,"date":"2021-11-06T20:37:16","date_gmt":"2021-11-07T01:37:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=143746"},"modified":"2021-11-06T22:41:56","modified_gmt":"2021-11-07T03:41:56","slug":"sunday-firesides-dont-define-yourself-by-what-youre-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/character\/sunday-firesides-dont-define-yourself-by-what-youre-not\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday Firesides: Don&#8217;t Define Yourself By What You&#8217;re Not"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-143747\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/not_header.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"650\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/not_header.jpg 650w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/not_header-372x230.jpg 372w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/not_header-320x197.jpg 320w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/not_header-640x394.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Ask any graphic designer or architect, and they\u2019ll tell you that, much to their chagrin, clients have a much easier time expressing what they <em>don\u2019t<\/em> like about a draft or mock-up than conveying what they\u2019d rather have it look like instead.<\/p>\n<p>Individuals often evince this same dynamic in designing the architecture of their lives.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t want to be like everybody else. I don\u2019t want a 9-5 job. I don\u2019t want an ordinary life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Perfectly understandable. But how would you describe the extraordinary life that you desire?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not like my dad. I\u2019m not like my brother. I\u2019m not like my neighbors.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Alright. But what are you like then?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t drink. I don\u2019t smoke. I don\u2019t swear.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Fine. But what are the positive habits that define you?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t like hypocrites. I\u2019m not religious. I don\u2019t believe in God.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Okay. But what do you believe in?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s much easier to define yourself by what you\u2019re <em>not<\/em>, than it is to define yourself by what you <em>are<\/em>. It\u2019s much easier to say what you don\u2019t like, and don\u2019t want, than it is to articulate what you do.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s easy to reject, renounce, repudiate. Negative, destructive energy is instinctual. Even a three-year-old can topple a structure, burn something down.<\/p>\n<p>Acts of affirmation are harder. They require creativity, intention, <em>vision<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Clearing the decks can be a helpful first step in figuring out the person you want to be and the life you want to lead.<\/p>\n<p>But if you ever want to build something meaningful, erect something beautiful, you have to move beyond rooting your identity in what you\u2019re <em>against<\/em>, and decide what it is exactly that you\u2019re <em>for<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ask any graphic designer or architect, and they\u2019ll tell you that, much to their chagrin, clients have a much easier time expressing what they don\u2019t like about a draft or mock-up than conveying what they\u2019d rather have it look like instead. Individuals often evince this same dynamic in designing the architecture of their lives. \u201cI [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":143755,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[502],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-143746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-538x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat-320x163.jpg"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.7 (Yoast SEO v27.7) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Sunday Firesides: Don&#039;t Define Yourself By What You&#039;re Not | The Art of Manliness<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sunday Firesides: Don&#039;t Define Yourself By What You&#039;re Not | The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ask any graphic designer or architect, and they\u2019ll tell you that, much to their chagrin, clients have a much easier time expressing what they don\u2019t like about a draft or mock-up than conveying what they\u2019d rather have it look like instead. Individuals often evince this same dynamic in designing the architecture of their lives. \u201cI [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/character\/sunday-firesides-dont-define-yourself-by-what-youre-not\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-11-07T01:37:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-11-07T03:41:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2021\/11\/build-feat.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"588\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"300\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brett &amp; Kate McKay\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" 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