{"id":113327,"date":"2020-06-17T11:24:14","date_gmt":"2020-06-17T16:24:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=113327"},"modified":"2026-09-12T20:34:58","modified_gmt":"2026-09-13T01:34:58","slug":"podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/","title":{"rendered":"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets"},"content":{"rendered":"

We’ve all asked “what if” questions about our life: What if I had majored in art instead of business? What if I had let my best friend know I liked her as more than a friend? What if I had taken the job offer in Colorado? Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities of these alternative histories fills us with sharp pangs of regret.<\/p>\n

My guest today says that’s not necessarily a bad thing. His name is Neal Roese and he’s a professor of psychology and marketing and the author of If Only: How to Turn Regret Into Opportunity<\/em><\/a>. Neal and I begin our conversation by unpacking how asking “what if” is to engage in something called “counterfactual thinking,” and how you can create a downward counterfactual, in which you imagine how a decision could have turned out worse, or an upward counterfactual, where you imagine how a decision could have turned out better. Neal then explains why living without regret isn’t actually that healthy, and why even though regret is an unpleasant feeling, it can be an important spur towards greater improvement, action, and agency. We then do get into the circumstances in which regret can become a negative force, before turning to what Neal’s research says are the most common regrets people have in life. At the end of our conversation, we pivot to talking about how imagining how your life could have turned out worse, can make you feel happier. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We’ve all asked “what if” questions about our life: What if I had majored in art instead of business? What if I had let my best friend know I liked her as more than a friend? What if I had taken the job offer in Colorado? Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities of these alternative histories fills […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":195060,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[502,156,42388],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-113327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character","category-podcast","category-self-improvement"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620-538x280.png","medium_large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620-768x432.png","aom":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620-372x230.png","reactor-320":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620-320x180.png","reactor-640":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620-640x360.png"},"yoast_head":"\nDealing With Life's Regrets | Art of Manliness Podcast<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We've all asked "what if" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets | The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We've all asked "what if" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Brett\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"headline\":\"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":261,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/06\\\/620.png\",\"articleSection\":[\"Character\",\"Podcast\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"copyrightYear\":\"2020\",\"copyrightHolder\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/#organization\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/\",\"name\":\"Dealing With Life's Regrets | Art of Manliness Podcast\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/06\\\/620.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"description\":\"We've all asked \\\"what if\\\" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/06\\\/620.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/06\\\/620.png\",\"width\":1280,\"height\":720},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/character\\\/self-improvement\\\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"The Art of Manliness\",\"description\":\"Men's Interest and Lifestyle\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\",\"name\":\"Brett\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/artofmanliness.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/author\\\/brett\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Dealing With Life's Regrets | Art of Manliness Podcast","description":"We've all asked \"what if\" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets | The Art of Manliness","og_description":"We've all asked \"what if\" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/","og_site_name":"The Art of Manliness","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness","article_published_time":"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1280,"height":720,"url":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Brett","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@artofmanliness","twitter_site":"@artofmanliness","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Brett","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/"},"author":{"name":"Brett","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832"},"headline":"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets","datePublished":"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00","dateModified":"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/"},"wordCount":261,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png","articleSection":["Character","Podcast","Self-Improvement"],"inLanguage":"en-US","copyrightYear":"2020","copyrightHolder":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/#organization"}},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/","url":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/","name":"Dealing With Life's Regrets | Art of Manliness Podcast","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png","datePublished":"2020-06-17T16:24:14+00:00","dateModified":"2026-09-13T01:34:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832"},"description":"We've all asked \"what if\" questions about our life. Sometimes contemplating the imagined possibilities\u00a0of these alternative histories fills us with regret.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/620.png","width":1280,"height":720},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/self-improvement\/podcast-620-how-to-deal-with-lifes-regrets\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life\u2019s Regrets"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/","name":"The Art of Manliness","description":"Men's Interest and Lifestyle","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832","name":"Brett","sameAs":["http:\/\/artofmanliness.com"],"url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/author\/brett\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=113327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113327\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/195060"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=113327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=113327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=113327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}