![\"Rapport](\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2020\/03\/affinity-e1583852056603.jpg\")
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Navigating first impressions can be a tricky business.<\/p>\n
On the one hand, you want to be yourself, not only for the sake of authenticity, but to allow you and the other person to accurately feel out whether or not you have a connection worth pursuing. Acting like someone you\u2019re not for the sake of being initially charming may garner temporary success, but merely postpones the recognition of fundamental, relationship-dissolving differences.<\/p>\n
On the other hand, initial encounters are inevitably plagued by an atmosphere of nervousness and awkwardness, wherein small differences between the two participants, which will prove immaterial later on in the relationship, can feel outsized in significance, stymying what might develop into a strong connection.<\/p>\n
The best approach when first presenting yourself to another is thus to allow the fundamental pieces of your personality to come to the fore, while minimizing the minor differences between you that might lead either participant to prematurely write the other one off.<\/p>\n
Minimizing these small differences involves reflecting more of the other person\u2019s way of being in the world, and has happy effects for both parties. Affinity-building behaviors will make you seem more immediately charming and likable right off the bat. At the same time, by allowing you to better enter the other person\u2019s emotional ecosystem, these gestures help him or her to feel more comfortable, understood, and at ease. The result is a smoother interaction, a more relaxed, harmonious atmosphere in which to get to know each other, and the creation of instant rapport.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s what these rapport-generating behaviors look like:<\/p>\n
People vary in how loud or soft and fast or slow they speak. Quiet and slow talkers can feel overwhelmed and off-put by loud and fast ones, while loud, fast talkers may perceive their more soft, languid-speaking peers as boring. Matching the cadence and volume of your own voice to that of a person you\u2019ve just met can reduce the chance of them making too much of this initial difference, and put them more at ease. You don\u2019t have to match the verve of their voice entirely to where it feels artificial to you (and will come off as artificial to them). But speak a little louder or a little softer than you normally would if you\u2019re talking to someone who speaks loudly or softly. <\/p>\n
At the same time, reiterate the vocabulary they use. If he says that such and such is \u201cawesome,\u201d call the things you like \u201cawesome\u201d too. If she says she has a \u201cworry\u201d about \u201cX,\u201d sympathize with her \u201cworry\u201d about X, and share your \u201cworry\u201d about Y.<\/p>\n
People feel more affinity for you when looking at you is like looking into a mirror. You can create this effect by reflecting the other person\u2019s body language: if they are resting their right arm on the table, rest your left arm on the table; if they have their left leg sticking out straight, stick your right leg out straight.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t need to change your body\u2019s position just as soon as they change theirs, which will feel too obvious and weird. Wait a bit before you move to mirror their posture. <\/p>\n
Clothing goes a long way in whether we feel that someone else is \u201cus\u201d or \u201cnot us.\u201d And you do<\/em> actually want to display these differences; personal style broadcasts signals that help everyone discern who might be \u201cmy kind of person,\u201d allowing us to more effectively find and connect with those who are.<\/p>\n At the same time, though, your wardrobe typically incorporates things that convey different aspects of your personality, and a spectrum of messaging, and it\u2019s wise to pick those items that will be most similar to the clothing of the folks you\u2019ll be meeting. For example, I have both cowboy boots and leather work boots in my wardrobe. Both types of footwear reflect my personal style, and I can choose which to wear to an event, based on which will fit best with the dress of the other folks in attendance.<\/p>\n Among the already existent items in your own wardrobe, you might choose a concert t-shirt or button-down, a North Face puffy jacket or pea coat, a cardigan sweater or a henley, depending on which get-up will make the person you\u2019re meeting feel the most kinship and connection.<\/p>\n Declaring: \u201cI\u2019m not like you!\u201d would be an instant rapport killer. That may seem obvious, but staking out contrary positions essentially does the same thing and yet manifests as a very common conversational tic.<\/p>\n She says, \u201cI think the tacos from the food truck by Western Park are the best in town.\u201d You say, \u201cI don\u2019t like those. The ones from Miguel\u2019s are way better.\u201d<\/p>\n He says, \u201cI love listening to the Joe Rogan podcast.\u201d You say, \u201cReally? I can\u2019t stand that guy.\u201d<\/p>\n He loved some movie; you pan it. She likes some activity; you say it\u2019s your personal nightmare.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to completely hide your opinions, but especially when it comes to a first<\/em> encounter, it\u2019s best not to directly contradict someone else\u2019s. Doing so viscerally contributes to their deciding \u201cHe\u2019s not my kind of person,\u201d even though these little differences in taste aren\u2019t likely to be relationship killers in the long run. Not to mention, it shuts down the other person\u2019s side of the conversation.<\/p>\n So instead of responding with \u201cNot me!\u201d to the other person\u2019s takes, just ask him or her to share more about them. \u201cOh yeah? What is it that you like about X?\u201d This keeps the dialogue rolling, and when they\u2019ve explained their opinion of things, you can add your own in a more positive way: \u201cI\u2019m a big fan of the tacos at Miguel\u2019s. Have you tried them?\u201d<\/p>\n For more helpful tips on making a good first impression, listen to this podcast: <\/strong><\/p>\nDon\u2019t Be a Contrarian<\/h3>\n