{"id":111221,"date":"2020-02-12T12:03:16","date_gmt":"2020-02-12T18:03:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=111221"},"modified":"2026-09-15T18:17:50","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T23:17:50","slug":"podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/dating\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\/","title":{"rendered":"Podcast #584: How to Avoid Falling in Love With the Wrong Person"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Why do people sometimes fall in love with someone&nbsp;who is all kinds of wrong for them? Their friends and family see lots of red flags about their partner, but they themselves miss these warnings&nbsp;entirely, sometimes to catastrophic consequences.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>My guest today argues that these kinds of errors in relational decision-making happen when someone lets his heart rule without also heeding his head. His name is <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lovethinks.com\/\">John Van Epp<\/a>, and he&#8217;s a therapist and the author of the book <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0071548424\/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0071548424&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess&amp;linkId=FSXA3GZUT5SFDAZ4\"><em>How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk<\/em><\/a>. We begin our conversation discussing what society&#8217;s default template for creating a successful relationship looks like, and how it leads people astray. John then defines what makes a jerk, a jerk, and the signs that you&#8217;re dating a jerk. He then explains why it is that people so often miss these signs, by using a model of how attachment develops in a relationship; I think this model is super useful in understanding relational dynamics and you don&#8217;t want to miss it. We then discuss why men need to do a better job in helping to pace relationships, instead of only letting women set the tempo. We end our conversation discussing the things you need to know about a person that you&#8217;re forming a relationship with, including their relationship skills, family life, and values, before you escalate your commitment to them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why do people sometimes fall in love with someone&nbsp;who is all kinds of wrong for them? Their friends and family see lots of red flags about their partner, but they themselves miss these warnings&nbsp;entirely, sometimes to catastrophic consequences.&nbsp; My guest today argues that these kinds of errors in relational decision-making happen when someone lets his [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":195117,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42396,156,42379],"tags":[42244],"class_list":["post-111221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating","category-podcast","category-social","tag-dating"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584-538x280.png","medium_large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584-768x432.png","aom":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584-372x230.png","reactor-320":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584-320x180.png","reactor-640":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584-640x360.png"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.4 (Yoast SEO v28.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Avoid Falling in Love With the Wrong Person | Art of Manliness<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why do people sometimes fall in love with someone\u00a0who is all kinds of wrong for them? Friends and family see red flags, but they miss the warnings\u00a0entirely.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/dating\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Podcast #584: How to Avoid Falling in Love With the Wrong Person | The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why do people sometimes fall in love with someone\u00a0who is all kinds of wrong for them? Friends and family see red flags, but they miss the warnings\u00a0entirely.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/dating\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-02-12T18:03:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-09-15T23:17:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/584.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Brett\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"headline\":\"Podcast #584: How to Avoid Falling in Love With the Wrong Person\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-02-12T18:03:16+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-15T23:17:50+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":248,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/02\\\/584.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Dating\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Dating\",\"Podcast\",\"Social\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"copyrightYear\":\"2020\",\"copyrightHolder\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/#organization\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/\",\"name\":\"How to Avoid Falling in Love With the Wrong Person | Art of Manliness\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/dating\\\/podcast-584-how-to-avoid-falling-in-love-with-the-wrong-person\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2020\\\/02\\\/584.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-02-12T18:03:16+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-15T23:17:50+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"description\":\"Why do people sometimes fall in love with someone\u00a0who is all kinds of wrong for them? 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