{"id":108749,"date":"2019-12-09T11:51:43","date_gmt":"2019-12-09T17:51:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=108749"},"modified":"2026-09-15T18:42:43","modified_gmt":"2026-09-15T23:42:43","slug":"podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/","title":{"rendered":"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren&#8217;t driven by sexual attraction or by a sense of duty, as in romantic and familial relationships, but instead are entirely freely chosen.<\/p>\n<p>My guest today says that&#8217;s part of why friendship is both uniquely wonderful and uniquely challenging. His name is Bill Rawlins, he&#8217;s a professor of interpersonal communication, and he&#8217;s spent his career studying the dynamics of friendship and authored several books on the subject, including&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/B073RQVCYW\/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B073RQVCYW&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess&amp;linkId=FSXA3GZUT5SFDAZ4\"><em>Friendship Matters<\/em><\/a>. Bill and I begin our conversation discussing why friendship is often taken for granted, and what makes friendships unique from other types of relationships. We then explore the four particular&nbsp;tensions that arise in friendship: the tension between independence and dependence, affection and instrumentality, judgement and acceptance, and expressiveness and protectiveness. We also talk about how these tensions manifest in male friendships versus female friendships, and whether it&#8217;s true as is&nbsp;commonly&nbsp;said that modern men don&#8217;t have good friendships. We then shift into talking about how friendships change across the life cycle, starting with how kids think about friendship differently than adults. We unpack why it is we often think of the friends we made in adolescence&nbsp;as the best friends we ever had, and why many men stop having good friends in adulthood. We end our conversation with Bill&#8217;s advice for making friends as a grown-up.<\/p>\n<p>Lots of insights in this show on a relationship that isn&#8217;t typically examined or well understood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren&#8217;t driven by sexual attraction or by a sense of duty, as in romantic and familial relationships, but instead are entirely freely chosen. My guest today says that&#8217;s part of why friendship is both uniquely wonderful and uniquely challenging. His name is [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":195134,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[42397,156,42379],"tags":[42290],"class_list":["post-108749","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friendship","category-podcast","category-social","tag-friendship"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567-538x280.png","medium_large":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567-768x432.png","aom":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567-372x230.png","reactor-320":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567-320x180.png","reactor-640":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567-640x360.png"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v28.4 (Yoast SEO v28.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Dynamics of Friendship and Making Friends As An Adult | Art of Manliness<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren&#039;t driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship | The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren&#039;t driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Art of Manliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@artofmanliness\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Brett\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Brett\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"headline\":\"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":268,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2019\\\/12\\\/567.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Friendship\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Friendship\",\"Podcast\",\"Social\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"copyrightYear\":\"2019\",\"copyrightHolder\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/#organization\"}},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/\",\"name\":\"Dynamics of Friendship and Making Friends As An Adult | Art of Manliness\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2019\\\/12\\\/567.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\"},\"description\":\"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren't driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2019\\\/12\\\/567.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2019\\\/12\\\/567.png\",\"width\":1280,\"height\":720},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/social\\\/friendship\\\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"The Art of Manliness\",\"description\":\"Men&#039;s Interest and Lifestyle\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.artofmanliness.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832\",\"name\":\"Brett\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/artofmanliness.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/beta.artofmanliness.com\\\/author\\\/brett\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Dynamics of Friendship and Making Friends As An Adult | Art of Manliness","description":"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren't driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship | The Art of Manliness","og_description":"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren't driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.","og_url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/","og_site_name":"The Art of Manliness","article_publisher":"http:\/\/facebook.com\/artofmanliness","article_published_time":"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1280,"height":720,"url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Brett","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@artofmanliness","twitter_site":"@artofmanliness","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Brett","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/"},"author":{"name":"Brett","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832"},"headline":"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship","datePublished":"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00","dateModified":"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/"},"wordCount":268,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png","keywords":["Friendship"],"articleSection":["Friendship","Podcast","Social"],"inLanguage":"en-US","copyrightYear":"2019","copyrightHolder":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/#organization"}},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/","url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/","name":"Dynamics of Friendship and Making Friends As An Adult | Art of Manliness","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png","datePublished":"2019-12-09T17:51:43+00:00","dateModified":"2026-09-15T23:42:43+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832"},"description":"Friendship is arguably the most unique type of relationship in our lives. Friendships aren't driven by obligation, but instead are freely chosen.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/567.png","width":1280,"height":720},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/social\/friendship\/podcast-567-understanding-the-wonderful-frustrating-dynamic-of-friendship\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Podcast #567: Understanding the Wonderful, Frustrating Dynamic of Friendship"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/","name":"The Art of Manliness","description":"Men&#039;s Interest and Lifestyle","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/#\/schema\/person\/84a51044fb965564cde35d18f7e0a832","name":"Brett","sameAs":["http:\/\/artofmanliness.com"],"url":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/author\/brett\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108749","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=108749"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/108749\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/195134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=108749"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=108749"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=108749"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}