{"id":105307,"date":"2019-07-09T11:46:05","date_gmt":"2019-07-09T16:46:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/?p=105307"},"modified":"2021-09-25T12:49:46","modified_gmt":"2021-09-25T17:49:46","slug":"how-to-stand-up-to-your-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/money-wealth\/career\/how-to-stand-up-to-your-boss\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stand Up to Your Boss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-105308 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss1.jpg\" alt=\"A conversation of a boss with employee.\" width=\"650\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss1.jpg 650w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss1-372x230.jpg 372w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss1-320x197.jpg 320w, https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss1-640x394.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>There aren\u2019t too many places in society where clear hierarchies continue to exist \u2014 at least explicitly. But the workplace is one. Bosses are in charge, and they get to tell their employees what to do.<\/p>\n<p>Ideally, and the majority of the time, there isn\u2019t too much friction in this power dynamic. Managers and supervisors often don\u2019t have to do too much \u201ctelling\u201d in the first place; their subordinates know what\u2019s expected of them, know their job, and simply do it. When bosses do have to give \u201corders,\u201d they make sense given the employees\u2019 roles and responsibilities.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, however, bosses overstep the line, \u201casking\u201d their employees to do things that seem unfair or unreasonable, or to carry out ideas for which they have serious reservations.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe your manager asks you to work late or on weekends too often, gives you assignments outside your understood role, hasn\u2019t followed through on a promise, or charges you with implementing a project you think will flop.<\/p>\n<p>What should you do in these types of situations?<\/p>\n<p>Try standing up to your boss.<\/p>\n<p>That idea will fill many with dread, as they worry that engaging in this kind of pushback might get them canned. But it\u2019s possible to stand up to your boss\u2019 requests in a way that not only won\u2019t get you fired, but has a good chance of actually enhancing the respect and communication between you.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Decide if a request is truly unreasonable or not.<\/strong> Before you decide to push back on something you\u2019ve been asked to do, figure out if it\u2019s justified and\/or worth it to do so. Here are a few factors to consider in thinking that through:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Does the request deviate significantly from your job description, the norm for the company\u2019s employees, standard practices, or actual workplace regulations and laws? Are you being unfairly taken advantage of? Or, is the issue more of a pet peeve, a personality conflict, or just part of the job? In order to set accurate expectations for what\u2019s reasonable in your line of work, you should get the lay of the land <em>before <\/em>you take the job. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/career-wealth\/career\/10-questions-to-ask-in-a-job-interview\/\">When a prospective employer offers you a position, find out how often you\u2019ll be expected to work weekends\/nights, and get a clear understanding of what your responsibilities will entail.<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Do you plan on staying in this job long? If you think you\u2019ll be in and out fairly quickly, it may be better to just put your head down and bide your time. If, however, you really like the job in general, and want to stay at the company for a long time, it\u2019s likely worth addressing the issue.<\/li>\n<li>Do you have cred? The more time you\u2019ve spent on the job, the more value you bring to it, and the more influence you have, the more your opinion will be considered. There\u2019s a greater likelihood your boss will listen to you, if you\u2019re the kind of indispensable employee they don\u2019t want to lose.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If your boss asks you to do something unreasonable, in a job you\u2019d ideally like to keep for the duration, and you have some stroke, move forward with pushing back against the request.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Set expectations early on.<\/strong> For reasons just mentioned, if you\u2019re asked to do something less-than-desirable early on in a job, you generally don\u2019t want to raise a stink since you haven\u2019t yet earned the cred to do so; people will just wonder, \u201cWho does this uppity noob think he is?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even so, it\u2019s a good idea to hedge your response and introduce the prospect of boundaries right off the bat. So if your boss asks you to work over the weekend, you can say, \u201cThere are weekends I won\u2019t be able to work because of family obligations, but I can work this weekend.\u201d Or, \u201cEven though I don\u2019t think my skill set is best suited to this kind of project, I can definitely take care of it this time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then do the kind of quality, committed work that will increase your profile and value, and allow you to later erect the boundaries to which you\u2019ve already alluded.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Schedule a meeting to talk about your issue.<\/strong> Let\u2019s say your boss didn\u2019t get the hint, and he keeps on making unreasonable requests of you. Once you\u2019ve reached your personal \u201cbreaking point,\u201d it\u2019s time to talk to him or her. But don\u2019t try to corner them in the hallway, and definitely don\u2019t raise the issue during a team meeting; if there\u2019s one thing bosses hate, it\u2019s someone questioning their authority in front of other people. In a time of increasing social anxiety, you might also be tempted to broach the subject via email; if at all possible, don\u2019t. It takes up more time, shows a lack of confidence, and compounds misunderstandings.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, ask your supervisor if you can schedule a face-to-face meeting to talk to them. A one-on-one meeting will be less threatening, and allow your boss to give you their full attention. Simply say something like, \u201cI was wondering if you had time today\/this week for a quick meeting; I just had a few questions about your recent request\/the new project.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Go in calm.<\/strong> Having an angry demeanor, even one you\u2019re doing your darndest to hide, will set off your boss\u2019s flight-or-fight feelings and create defensiveness. Act completely calm and level-headed; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/people\/social-skills\/how-to-be-assertive\/\">aim for assertiveness \u2014 the mean between aggressiveness and passivity<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ask for more information.<\/strong> At the heart of many conflicts between bosses and employees (and everyone else too!), is the assumption each person makes that they know everything about the other person\u2019s side of things (and that their own side is objectively right). But there are always pieces missing in one\u2019s understanding of another. So instead of going into your boss\u2019 office to argue or prove a point, decide that you\u2019re going to, as the authors of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0143118447\/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0143118447&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=stucosuccess&amp;linkId=FSXA3GZUT5SFDAZ4\"><em>Difficult Conversations<\/em><\/a> put it, explore each other\u2019s stories. Make it a two-way discussion where you both get to share what you\u2019re worried about and where you\u2019re coming from.<\/p>\n<p>Figure out possible gaps in your understanding of your manager\u2019s perspective. You might say, \u201cI\u2019ve been wondering why I\u2019ve been asked to work so much overtime lately, which hasn\u2019t typically been the case,\u201d and hear back, \u201cWell, the truth is that a hiring freeze has been put in place until the new budget is worked out, which has left us short staffed. I\u2019m sorry about that, but hope you can bear with it just a bit longer.\u201d Or you may say, \u201cI\u2019ve been surprised by the number of drafts you\u2019ve wanted on this document; it feels like you don\u2019t trust my work on it,\u201d and hear back, \u201cI can understand that. But my own manager felt blindsided by the final proposal given to this client last time, and wants to know where we are in every phase of the project. If we don\u2019t secure this account, we won\u2019t make a profit in Q4.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If there\u2019s some idea you\u2019re tasked with implementing that you\u2019re unsure about, <em>Difficult Conversations<\/em> suggests saying something like:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I would very much like this initiative to succeed but don&#8217;t yet feel confident in my ability to pull it off. Specifically, it would help to spell out how we might answer a couple of the objections I can imagine coming our way. For example . . .<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If you begin a line of dialogue like this, three things may happen:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In trying to explain the idea to you, your boss may discover some holes in it himself.<\/li>\n<li>You\u2019ll get an opportunity to gently raise follow-up questions like, \u201cI understand X. But the part I\u2019m having trouble understanding is Y. Can you tell me more about why you\u2019ve decided to . . . ?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>You yourself may change your mind about the viability of the idea.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Share more information.<\/strong> Just as you may not be aware of parts of your boss\u2019s side of things, he may not be aware of pieces of what\u2019s happening on your end. Share those pieces.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;My wife has been working the night shift lately, so when I have to work nights too, we have to find a sitter for the kids.\u201d \u201cWhen I took this job, my understanding was that I\u2019d be working on X kind of projects rather than Y.\u201d \u201cAfter the Z department got cut in half, I started getting the reports on Fridays instead of Tuesdays, which makes it hard for me to get my analysis to you by Monday morning.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s easy to assume that your boss knows why something is important to you, but he may not; your problem looms extremely large because it\u2019s your one big issue, but he may be juggling a dozen employees\u2019 problems, as well as his own.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Frame your remarks in a way that affirms your boss\u2019s status.<\/strong> Work with human psychology rather than against it. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/male-status-brain\/\">Humans are viscerally very, very protective of their status<\/a>. So broach your issue with your boss in a way that acknowledges, rather than seems to override, his authority. The authors of <em>Difficult Conversations<\/em> give this example:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I know there are lots of factors you have to take into consideration, and at the end of the day, I&#8217;m onboard with whatever you decide. I just want to make sure that as you think about it, you are aware that . . .<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Connect your concern to the boss\u2019s benefit.<\/strong> To really change your boss\u2019s mind about something, don\u2019t center your concern on how their policy or request is affecting you personally, but instead connect it primarily to how it\u2019s affecting their immediate or long-term bottom line. \u201cWhen you check up on my work frequently, it\u2019s harder for me to get into a productive flow, and the final product becomes less cohesive than it could be.\u201d \u201cI would really like to stay in this job for a long time, but the long hours are starting to make me feel burnt out.\u201d \u201cThe current deadlines require me to rush to get the graphics done, making it harder to catch errors before they\u2019re posted online.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Offer concrete solutions \u2014 as a request.<\/strong> Go into your discussion with your boss with specific solutions to your concern. Make sure these solutions are apt to be mutually agreeable, and offer them in the form of a request. \u201cI understand that extra hours need to be worked to get this project done on time. But would it be possible for me to work those overtime hours from home instead of the office?\u201d \u201cIt would be more manageable for me to get you the reports on Tuesday instead of Monday. Would pushing the deadline back be possible on your end?\u201d \u201cTim says he\u2019s willing to work for me on Saturday. Is it okay if we swap shifts?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Decide what to do if you can\u2019t agree on a solution.<\/strong> If you and your boss can\u2019t find a mutually agreeable option, you have to decide on what action to take next, based on your choices and alternatives: You can talk to HR. If the problem is affecting other employees, you can band together and address your boss as a group. If you need to keep the job at any cost, you can simply soldier on.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re aren\u2019t worried about keeping the job, then you can refuse to stand down and accept the consequences. Even if you go this route, the authors of <em>Difficult Conversations<\/em> argue that you should \u201cexplain why you are walking away. What interests and concerns are not met by the solutions you\u2019ve been discussing?\u201d They give a hypothetical scenario where an employee, Henry, has been asked by his boss, Rosario, to work the weekend, even though he made plans with friends, and gave her advance notice that he wouldn\u2019t be available. After a discussion where Rosario rejected Henry\u2019s proposed solutions to the dilemma, Henry still decides to take the weekend off. Nonetheless:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Rather than just storming out, Henry should be clear about his feelings, interests, and choices. He might say, \u2018Rosario, I really am sorry. I want very much to be a good employee, and to help out when I can. Normally, I\u2019m happy to work weekends and nights \u2013 I hope you\u2019ve seen that in the past. It\u2019s simply a matter of notice. I feel badly about leaving you in the lurch; at the same time, these plans are really important to me, and I gave you plenty of notice and worked hard all week so that I could go away. So I don\u2019t like the choice, but given the choice, I\u2019m going to go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>There\u2019s no need to burn bridges if you don\u2019t have to. Henry might get fired, but \u201cas often as not, he may return to find Rosario is both unhappy <em>and<\/em> more respecting of him and his time.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Bosses often already know when they\u2019ve pushed past a line, and may apologize and change their approach once you\u2019ve respectfully stood up to them.<\/p>\n<p>If they don\u2019t, you may need to be thinking about how long you want to work under them, and start making plans to find a new job.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Related Articles:&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-pursue-a-new-career-while-still-getting-the-bills-paid\/\">How to Pursue a New Career (While Still Getting the Bills Paid)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-handle-a-promotion\/\">How to Be Manager to Your Friends and Peers<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-quit-a-job-without-burning-bridges\/\">How to Quit a Job (Without Burning Bridges)<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/30-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-leaving-a-job\/\">30+ Questions to Ask Yourself Before Leaving a Job<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/articles\/how-to-deal-with-a-job-you-dont-like\/\">How to Deal With a Job You Don&#8217;t Like<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There aren\u2019t too many places in society where clear hierarchies continue to exist \u2014 at least explicitly. But the workplace is one. Bosses are in charge, and they get to tell their employees what to do. Ideally, and the majority of the time, there isn\u2019t too much friction in this power dynamic. Managers and supervisors [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":105314,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[424,6,42279],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"class_list":["post-105307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-featured","category-money-wealth"],"featured_image_urls":{"large":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss-538x280.jpg","aom":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss-372x230.jpg","reactor-320":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss-320x207.jpg","reactor-640":"https:\/\/content.artofmanliness.com\/uploads\/2019\/07\/boss-640x414.jpg"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105307","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=105307"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105307\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139500,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/105307\/revisions\/139500"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/105314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=105307"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=105307"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=105307"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beta.artofmanliness.com\/app-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=105307"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}